For Tina (6-18-89 sappy Cult Era love poetry)

When I think about you, it only gets me in trouble

‘Cause I get distracted and my temptations double

It’s not a crime to wish we were more

Than distant brothers and sisters in the Lord

It’s only my selfishness that makes me scared to try

To really get closer, for fear I’ll be denied

But I keep alive a small hope that you think of me

Once in a while or at least occasionally

Years have gone by since I’ve had feelings for you

I’ve seen you get older, I’ve gotten older too

I’ve been resigned to observing, and I’ve tried

Not to let you know how I really feel inside

For every fool, there’s someone who adores

Every foolish thing they do, who knows what for

But I’m more the fool for thinking that my dreams can come true

So when you see me, giggle as I sigh

You won’t see as I break down and cry

But I’ll be harder to be seen through by you the next time

Drug addled thinking and gaps in my journal (1989-1993)

“Every day, every day, every day I write the book…” 6-18-89

NO, YOU DON'T, LIAR. Every day, my ass.

What A Shame It Is Not To Have A Mind (6-18-89)

 6-18-89

 

A burnt out skull returns from work each day 

A walking corpse with nothing left to say

The TV screen could just as well be black

But it's always on, though you're lying on your back

 

In case you didn't know, it's 1989

And it's been five years since you've cared enough to try

When your stomach growls, you answer to its call

But you're unfulfilled by the temporalness of it all 

 

What a shame not to have a mind

Back to work again, it's the same old grind

What you had as a personality

Evaporates as you sit down to drudgery

 

What a shame it is not to have a mind... 

Untitled (6-18-89)

6-18-89

 

When you're so alone, it's cause you can't see

Everybody else, alone as they can be

You're not the only one, though you might wish that were true

No matter how low you are, someone's looking up to you

 

Life's not unkind & it's not unfair

The cup comes around & all of us must share

Some treasure up any good thing that they see

Others complain while in the lap of luxury 

 

And everybody wants something to blame

Cause it's easier than trying to change

 

So you lost control at the office yesterday

So you're convinced that's not your personality

Everyone can see what you think it is you're hiding

And better than you, cause your conscience is blind from lying