Friday, December 26, 2014

Ode to the Black Knight

The skateboard of death is every mother's wish, as she purchases the $20 skateboard from the department store, not knowing, not dreaming of the epic falls onto the black asphalt, scraping limb and leg into tattered sticks, that would ensue as a direct effect of buying said evil wheeled board. No one knew that EVERY single time you ride it you DIE!

Bad Evil Skateboard of Death. They didn't expect you to live long enough for your wood screws to pull out of the board, as was bound to happen over time in the event that you didn't already die from a self-inflicted launch after hitting a small rock or crack in the sidewalk with your inappropriately small, hard clay wheels. Stops on a dime. Liter-a lee.

The ship that launched a thousand faces. They all went down. Down on the pavement, the gutter and ultimately, the trash, where some angry kid threw the miscreant device, until such time it became available on Ebay for more than 20x what it sold for originally.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Another F'd up Thanksgiving

God, if you think this is funny, you are so fucked up.  I don't know or care about the cosmic state of blahh blahh whatever.  I can't pull out of my funk cuzz I have zero positivity. I spent the last day not enjoying fucking anything at all about this holiday.  I remember the time 4 or 5 years ago when my wife came out to the kitchen for the last time under her own power.  She heard me cooking and making turkey.  There was Christian music playing.  She screamed at me because she hates that crap.  Can't blame her, but I was upset by her ranting.  I don't know it may have been a different time, but we argued about giblets and she said she would never get out of bed again because of my making it unpleasant for her.  I still think that is probably true.  I would try my conjuring of light and love, but I have such negative thought processes going on that I am only capable of making negative statements.  See? I could sure use some help.  See, in the last couple of years my wife has come back from some crazy bitch land to being a very calm and understanding person.  Much unlike what could be said for myself. I seem to do the opposite, and I rely on her to calm me down or give me insight into why I am so fucked up.  But, then I always ignore all her advice and say "I can't, I'm too far gone.."  I feel like I am out of options, I can't be around her, I bring her down. I can't not be around her, I need her spark (when I am not completely quenching it).  She is completely bedridden and relies on me for everything.  Almost. She can still put food in her mouth most days.  I make her feel miserable and seeing her miserable makes me more miserable.  I can't relate this to anyone, no one can stomach all my bitter pain.  I am a coward and a rotten person.  I don't think the cats are even very fond of me any more.  They have seen too much of my rage.  My uncle killed himself around this time 2 years ago.  I said I would never do that, because I have people that count on me.  Cats, dog, and my lovely wife.  But they can't really stand me, so I'm not on such sure footing anymore.  NSA are you listening? I guess I'm not important enough to spy on, really. So, another fucked up Thanksgiving, ruined by me.  All my wife does is try to come up with positive things to keep me going.  Like getting the house paid off or buying me little trinkets to put in a collectable case.  I really ought to go thank her for that.  But she wants me to leave her alone for at least an hour.  I will say it one more time for old time's sake.  Light and love, Boopie.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

conjuring required

light and love light and love light and love light and love
i love our happy life i love our happy life i love our happy life i love our happy life
Boopie and Eddie enjoying a moment.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Journal entry for February 27, 2014 (broad spectrum hate)

Sometimes
Most of the time
I am just not happy
But sometimes I am, I think,
Capable of hating everything
No boundary
No holding back
Other times I focus my hate on
Just one thing or person
And try to maintain the
Illusion that I'm
Well, not really happy,
But just not hating everything
Right now I'm
Hating most things

Friday, January 10, 2014

RIP my dear friend

Meaty, my cat of 13 years was euthanized on Jan 2, 2014.  I will miss her forever, til we meet again. She was the best cat ever, no one knew me like she did and I cry every time I think about having to say goodbye.  Damn cancer, damn old age. Love and light, Meaty.  And turkey. And cuddling. God bless!