So, this is 2010. I am still alive and married. My wife still has MS and all its craziness. She has moments of clarity and moments of being a "raging cow" (her phrase, coined in a "moment of clarity"). Most of the time she is somewhere in the middle.
As for me, I have a blow off valve which is like this: mostly I curse under my breath, and it keeps me from saying the things out loud that I would say if I didn't relieve the pressure/stress. It is the "evil caregiver" in me that makes me cuss. I have to harness all my superman powers to not get so angry at the MS for stealing my wife's brain that I punch holes in the walls. For her I put on the "yes, honey" routine, so, in that sense, the superman business is an act. In the sense of my daily routine, it's just that, a daily routine. The routine involves me doing everything and watching my wife slowly slip away.
So, we are putting a barn up on our property in hopes to get some animals. My wife loves horses and hopes to one day have one or two. It is so ironic that we moved to this place 2 years ago so we could have animals, and then my wife's health deteriorated so rapidly that now she barely makes it out of bed in a day. Anyway, the barn foundation is costing us a fortune and is going to be so well built that it will be a shame to put up our pipe panel mare motel on it. It deserves a 3 story big 'ol metal building. But we will have animals even if I wind up doing all their care and maintenance.
Yesterday after a shower she couldn't make it back into bed and fell onto the floor while transferring from the shower chair to the bed. I get so frustrated watching her on the floor crying. A family friend who is a retired doctor let us borrow an oxygen generator. While she was on the floor (I cannot lift her up, she weighs 300 lbs) I gave her the O2. It revived her enough to get on her knees and then up onto the bed. It seems that all her problems stem from a lack of brain oxygen.
So she had an MRV at UC Davis, and the doctor found a narrowed right jugular vein and a larger than normal left jugular vein with collaterals. The doppler scan showed very little flow on the right side. She has an appointment for an angioplasty some time in mid-April. By my birthday we will know if this whole CCSVI thing holds any water. Keeping my fingers and all other appendages crossed....Stay tuned.
Friday, March 26, 2010
A Barn, an MRV, Oxygen and a Blow-off Valve
Hi, I'm Andrew, AKA Hoodyup the Evil Caregiver, and I approved this blog post. I may not have been in my right mind at the time, but what's done is done. I stand by my sins. Eppur si muove.
I started this blog as a way to vent my frustrations with life, the universe and everything (not the book by Douglas Adams; that was quite good, actually).
My seemingly charmed life took a turn in 2004 when my wife Sharon was diagnosed with MS. This blog documents the fallout and revisits the past, as well as chronicling my dreams and rants throughout the years.
Be warned - explicit language and content that runs the gamut can be found in these posts, which describe personal events, both real and those dreamed up by my overactive nocturnal psyche.
Also, I use real names whenever possible, so if you see a post with your name on it, it probably refers to you. Unless, of course, you don't know me, in which case it is purely coincidental.
Enjoy your visit. Comment, if you so desire, or lurk privately. This blog can be your guilty pleasure (or displeasure).
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.