A time comes in every seekers journey where the initial results of his efforts seem to stop. The same old prescriptions just don't cut it anymore and he is left questioning his every belief. Indeed, God seems so far away and life so meaningless he may be inclined to give up and go back to what he thought made him happy before. But if he is far enough down the road, he realizes that there is no turning back, and yet seemingly there is nowhere forward to go. He is stuck.
I have no advice for the seeker at this point, because it is me. Unable to be rid of my ego, it hangs around my neck like a dead chicken to punish me. It is a foul, rotten thing and I know I "shouldn't" judge it so, but it is what it is.
Misery loves company so I am radiating all of my misery into the ether so I can bask in my "aloneness" with all other seekers who have hit the wall and are considering putting a bullet in it. There's a reason I don't own a gun. I shouldn't even be trusted with scissors.
In the wealth of wisdom is great sorrow. Ignorance is bliss. I have inoculated myself to responding to words of wisdom by listening to countless self-help and spiritual audio books. My wife, who has MS and was severely emotional a few months back, has now become my rock of sanity. I am off the deep end and have no sense of happiness or purpose. Only misery, only me. Universe, what universe?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Dark Night
Hi, I'm Andrew, AKA Hoodyup the Evil Caregiver, and I approved this blog post. I may not have been in my right mind at the time, but what's done is done. I stand by my sins. Eppur si muove.
I started this blog as a way to vent my frustrations with life, the universe and everything (not the book by Douglas Adams; that was quite good, actually).
My seemingly charmed life took a turn in 2004 when my wife Sharon was diagnosed with MS. This blog documents the fallout and revisits the past, as well as chronicling my dreams and rants throughout the years.
Be warned - explicit language and content that runs the gamut can be found in these posts, which describe personal events, both real and those dreamed up by my overactive nocturnal psyche.
Also, I use real names whenever possible, so if you see a post with your name on it, it probably refers to you. Unless, of course, you don't know me, in which case it is purely coincidental.
Enjoy your visit. Comment, if you so desire, or lurk privately. This blog can be your guilty pleasure (or displeasure).
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.