Another lame personal ad response (1990)

Huh... Well, less see...Hi! Whoa!! You sexy thing!

Come to find out, I can't even describe myself at all. At all. Does that make me indescribable? In so many words, yes.

So who am I tryin' to fool. I am 70+ years old, I have herpes 10 and have tested HIV positive. So, who's judging?

No, come to think of it I am 25 years old and financially secure (not no big fancy yuppie CEO bank account come lately). I do the 40 hr. week rat trap but for the time being my income is more than adequate and my needs are all met. So what?

So, I am not a bum. Nor am I a junkie. Nor a cigarette smoker. Distaste. I do smoke a pipe, but only with mari-juana in it, and usually with friends.

I don't drink at all. I should, I am getting pretty dehydrated, some leaves are curling up. No that's not true, that would make me a plant. Ok, so I drink a little. Maybe on the weekends, if I am going out with friends. Or after a particularly long day, or with dinner.

Ok, so I drink like a fish. No, I really don't care for the stuff that much, and I could live entirely without it if the right woman were to come along, to make me forget about life's hardships.

What do I like to do? OK, but not necessarily in order of preference: play guitar, sing, converse, make love, ride motorcycles, ride bicycles, write, draw or create artistically, um...dine exotically, cook exotically, visit exotic places, meet exotic people, movies, live music, read, fish.

Ah, whudda you like to do? Art galleries, museums and observatories--yes, but they are dreadful alone. You would have to be my companion or these things will be empty. Mere observances. Things done to while away the midnight hours, all alone.

Like, what am I looking for in a woman? Hell, you tell me and we'll both know. The ideal woman does not exist because perfect people do not exist. But the right woman must have more than her share of good qualities. Qualities mainly of the soul. Kindness, compassion, caring, honesty, intelligence, warmth...just the kinds of things that everybody likes in others.

But if you'd like to know blond or red-head, slender or full-figured, tall or petite--hey, come on over and we'll see. You must be loveable. That is all that matters. To me.

So, I'll get all the Fat Circus freak women and all the abnormally shaped head women, and the ones with club feet and crossed eyes. No. I's sorry. Do I sound malevolent? I's jess foolin'.

Do I sound like a bullshitter? I am not. I don't even like to exaggerate, so I may seem pessimistic. I am not. I am an optimistic realist who acts like a sarcastic pessimist, but I am never cynical. Things really do matter.

So call me. Or write. I can hardly wait.

Love, Andrew