CB Radio Diatribe (2003 -- yes, I actually read this over the airwaves)

This is a long winded public service announcement by Dogbone Radio. The views and opinions expressed here are my own.

Introduction

I'm going to key up for a little while and this might take some time so I apologize in advance for tying up the airwaves. However, I am a little long-winded and I have a few things I need to get off my chest. You might get bored and decide to leave the room, or shut your radio off, that's ok. I am going to stay on the air until I have said all I want to say, then I'll let go of the key and if anyone has anything they want to say I'll listen. If you want to tell me to fuck off that's fine, too. I really don't care at this point. I'm talking.

Hi, I'm Dogbone, and I used to talk quite a bit on the radio. About 6 years ago I was pretty obsessed with the CB. I'd always have one on, in the car, in my bedroom, living room, etc. I even had a speaker in the bathroom. Every morning at 8 o'clock I would key up music and ramble on about nothing. I used to talk on channel 22 and participate in the noise, chaos and crap talking that went on out there 24/7.

Somehow, in all that BS I managed to meet my fiancée, Cowgirl over the airwaves. She proved to be an exception to my "all Cbers are scum" philosophy. Like women do, she worked on me and helped change me in many ways. I went back to school and got a career and stopped throwing my dirty underwear in the corner. Eventually, we got tired of all the crap talking that went on on a daily basis and put our radios away, until just recently.

Anyway, who cares, right? We just recently put them back in service to communicate with each other instead of buying cell phones. But the airwaves are shared with anyone with a radio, so into our lives came some undesired things. Here's where you might want to listen and see what you think may or may not apply to you. If I sound preachy, it's probably my church background, it left a big impression on the way I think and act, although I don't call myself a Christian anymore.

CB RADIO is a forum for free speech

It's like a public beach, anyone can park their big ol' butt on a towel and soak up some sun rays. It's free. Black, white, rich, poor, educated or not, no one can tell you what you can or can't say over the radio. And as such, opinions, however unreasonable or "stupid" are protected. AS is the right to say "yo mamma" or "kiss my fine black ass."

If a person is offended by what they hear on the radio they have options. ON/OFF switch is one. Volume and squelch also work well for removing offensive speech from your ears. There is even a channel selector to choose from many frequencies, with many different people who talk on them. You also have a microphone, with a PTT switch, which means you have the ability to key up and voice your own opinion. You may do so AT ANY TIME.

Not everyone is going to like everyone else. This is the nature of people. To be different. Some people like to fart, and other people like to pick their nose. It's really no one else's business. If I were a racist, or a Nazi or whatever else, I'd have the same right to key up my garbage as anyone else. I'm not, by the way. I don't like to categorize or label people. They are all individuals. I am an individual. I'm not a hater or someone who is looking for a fight.

I will protect myself in a situation that calls for it, and protect my family and property. I am not going to be intimidated from talking on my CB. I may fall into someone's "asshole" category. That's fine. No one is forced to talk to me, or listen to me. I try to be nice to everyone, sometimes my personality rubs folks the wrong way. Sorry. But it is just a radio. It stops there. Once threats are carried out, or property is damaged, then appropriate actions will be taken. Laws protect. So do the police. So security cameras and neighborhood watch.

It's SO SAD

So the spray paint has already been removed, but the damage was done. You've all lost a cheery personality, and caused a girl to suffer anxiety. I'm speaking of Cowgirl, who has had enough of the radio, and the threats and backstabbing that has gone on in the last week or so. She's the one getting ulcers worrying because of vandalism and threats over the radio.

Even though she specifically told a certain Cber to not reveal any personal information over the radio, this was not respected. She feels hurt because she did quite a bit for this individual in the last few weeks, from feeding him, to giving him rides, to inviting him into our house. We don't think we are better than anyone, but we can't be friends with people who betray us by instigating fights and feed people's anger with "he said, she said" kinds of talk.

She ain't havin' it. Talking on the CB should be fun, and for her, now it's not. Way too much drama. She already watches Days of our Lives, and what's nice is those people don't come to your house and spray paint on your fence. She's had a few problems in the past with bad people from the CB radio and she's not going to go through it all again. It's sad because she has a great personality and loves to talk to anyone. But this whole thing has gotten her so upset she's getting stomach ulcers.

She doesn't want me to get on here right now and vent, but she understands. I am doing it for her. I don't want any trouble, neither does she. So I suggest that the individual who has any information about us, such as vehicles, addresses, physical descriptions, job locations, keep it to themselves. Why does anyone want to fuck with us anyway? What button did we push?

If a person wants to box, join the gym. If they want to kill something, get a hunting license. If you want to spray paint, spray paint some rusty old lawn furniture and make it look better. Use a good sealer and don't forget to sand first. Let the CB radio be for what it is, cheap talk and cheap entertainment.

I personally am more into the technical aspects, what antennas get out better, what radios have what features and perform the best. If you want to compete, get your station strong, get some killer audio. Get a stompin' mobile. Be happy. Don't stress. Live and let live. Life's too short to have feuds and fights with members of your own community. It is a small town. Some people like it that way. So since everyone knows where everyone lives and what they drive, let's all try to respect each other just enough to have happy lives.

Life is not about who fights the best. There are plenty of people who can kick my ass, and I'm sure there are a few old ladies out there that I might be able to intimidate. But why? I'm just another guy with another opinion that don't mean shit. So everyone, "Have a good day." I will unkey now.