I think I'm too self-conscious of my readership (ha) or I just don't want to give voice to the thoughts in my head that are so distasteful to me these days. Sure, I still have them, but when I put them down in the form of writing, at least in this venue, I feel like I'm legitimizing them. Like I'm saying, "Looky what I made, ain't I proud!"
In fact, I would be just trying to acknowledge them, so they could leave me alone. Kinda like saying, "Uncle" so the bully will let you get on with your day.
So, what do I have to admit to today? Broadly, it is envy, self-pity and doubt. Specifically, I don't wanna talk about it. I would just like these broad categories, and all their sub-categories, to disappear from my poor, aching brain.
Haven't I had enough go rounds on the wheel of human emotion? At least let me land on Red for a change. Black is the color I seem to get stuck with, time and time again. I wish to not be so unfairly shifted into dark side of things, especially when I've really been going out of my way to embrace the positive and nice inner me. It's a long, hard road and fraught with setbacks, that's for sure.
So, I've said nothing, alluded to much and admitted to everything, without being specific. That was a waste of time. The gods demand drama. A sacrifice of my pure energy, in whatever form or color it may show up. Sorry, gods. Not this time. I'm looking for a little more give and take with you. My emotions are not for display at this time.
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.