Memories from Covid, the Great Equalizer

Scraped from my Facebook Memories

 

 

On this day

5 years ago

 

Andrew Golding

Shared with Your friends:

 

"Thanks to COVID, I now live in a world where the majority of people avert their eyes and give one another the wide berth usually reserved for lepers and social pariahs. At least I don’t feel so singled out anymore."

 

On this day

10 years ago

 

Andrew Golding

Shared with Your friends:

 

"Not sure which is worse. Convincing yourself that you're not that creepy guy from whom strangers at the grocery store avert their eyes. Or not."

 

Lisa F_______

I can't see people intentionally avoiding getting near you physically in the general public unless you are projecting a weird vibe. Are you?

 

Andrew Golding

I've always felt like I am projecting that anti-magnetic vibe. Whatever starts off the process, I don't know, but the net effect is the same. It is as if I were carrying the plague or had a brand on my forehead. At least the playing field is leveled now. Everyone is eying one another with suspicion and distrust.

 

Lisa F_______  

Andrew Golding, I am sensitive to people’s vibes, but it usually means I look a little closer. I know I am not typical in this regard.

Andrew Golding

Lisa F_______, the only exceptions I've found to this have been the babies sitting in shopping carts. They find me fascinating and engage me with smiles and stares, much to the dismay of their parental units who tend to whisk them away when they notice this going on. I take it as, they are looking at me without the social filters that will soon be in place after a few years of conditioning.

Natalie S______

I'm an introvert, so I usually avert my eyes when I'm tired, anxious or not feeling outgoing. So it might not be because of you. As grow older and hopefully wiser, I realize it's not all about me. People have their own stuff going on that causes their behavior. But they also take social cues from me, so if I'm in my own head and frowning, looking down, smiling but in an anxious pained way, of course they look away. I know that when I have those days where I suddenly switch to extrovert, smile, look people in they eye in a present way, many responds in kind.

 

Andrew Golding

I've always felt awkward and out of place, ever since I can remember. When I became a punk, it was my way of saying, "Fine. I give up. You want something to shun and avoid, here!" But oddly, it had the reverse effect. I actually became more popular, not just with those of a similar bent, but with the "normal" kids, who would find some reason to want to engage with the weird kid. But as an older male in an increasingly shallow and mistrusting society, if I smile at someone, it is met with that look of dread: "Oh, no. What does that dirty old man want from ME?" If I keep to myself, they are more comfortable, but in either case no one will go out of their way to engage me. I don't think it's about me as a person. It's about how people view people of a certain age or with certain physical characteristics. I don't go out of my way to be repellent, but I have that effect. Not on animals or babies, just your average adult humans.

 

Natalie S______

I'm 57 and there are a few shallow people that are unfriendly because they may be disregard me, especially when I'm dressing frumpy. But I still say it has more to do with what I'm putting out there even subconsciously. When I'm happy and relaxed I can usually get smiles or friendly contact. When I'm my anxious self that is thinking people are judging me, I seem to repel people. I mean just the fact you seem to think about this so much tells me you may have similar anxiety. People pick up on anxiety and it makes them uncomfortable. Just my experience.

 

Andrew Golding

Natalie S______, our experiences differ in that perhaps, as a male, I'm viewed as more of a threat, albeit a pretty insignificant one, in my decrepit state. Psychologically, there is conditioning on both sides. For whatever reason people may judge me, their avoidance is perceptible, and I react to that, cementing the perception for both parties. I don't know what precipitated the whole cycle, but at this stage it can't be fixed by just wearing a nice shirt and smiling more. I really don't think about it much anymore. It has become ingrained into my subconscious. This memory just came up, and I decided to comment since I'm making note of how things have or haven't changed in the last 5 years. Yeah, I'm still mental. That hasn't changed.

 

Natalie S______

Guess your experience is different. All I know is if I get a B12 shot suddenly people are very friendly to me. To me that says the issue is more with me than them.

 

Andrew Golding

Natalie S______, maybe I'll see if my therapist will prescribe me B12 shot as a part of a social experiment. Until they develop a way of jumping into another person's skin, I don't think anyone can truly know what another's experience of living is like. I would love to do a documentary called "Creep Like Me," where a person is made up to look similar to me and see how they are treated vs a younger more aesthetically pleasing version. I know I'm in my own head and all that, but the phenomenon is real.

Lesa L____

Andrew Golding, so I know most of the times, I feel like an odd duck. Sometimes I can dress it up, but most of the time I don't. I've accepted myself as I am a long time ago. I'm probably not for everyone or everyone's flavor or cup of tea. I will never make everyone happy even if I wanted too, cos it has more to do with them and not me. Sometimes people are just really full of themselves and selfishly all about themselves and if I don't fit into or I look out of place of, they pick and choose. I'm ok with that, cos it weeds them out for me!! Thank God we are all only human and no one is perfect. I find you to be my flavor and my cup of tea!! You as a person and your friendship to me is invaluable!! I hear what your saying and what that projection might look like, but I don't see an old creepy guy, just my good old friendly, good guy friend!! Whew, mouthful !! It's a weird time right now out there Andrew, even for me too. Hopefully, us friends sticking together and sharing love, we'll be alright. I hope I didn't upset anyone in writing this Andy, but this was for you. You know my heart and where I'm coming from, and others that I reference to are closer to home, like within my own family and how I feel I'm sometimes treated. You have people, family and friends on here that I can see that care for you !! Hopefully when this mess is all over, a few of us will be able to come up and visit. No worries my friend, it goes straight to the gut and thyroids!! We're gonna beat it though!! Now where's my big thumb.

Andrew Golding

Lesa L____, aww! You always know just what to say. See why I keep you around? Your words are like a balm, soothing and calming, medicine for my afflicted soul. Us odd ducks gotta stick together, anyway, and form our own funky flock. I certainly didn't mean to intimate that any of my friends treated me this way. To their credit, they have looked past appearances and seen me as a person, rather than a caricature. I am both humbled and proud to claim each of you, and you, in particular, my lovely, as friends. It makes things somewhat more bearable to know that out there, there are people such as yourself, who think fondly of me, however I may think of myself. Your kind sentiments go a long way toward rebuilding my bridge back to humanity. If the world were populated with kind souls such as yourself, we certainly wouldn't have the troubles we have today. Just maybe the occasional tummy ache from gobbling down too much sweet stuff! You have a very pleasing teacup, so stay just as you are, sweetness and all.

Caryn B_____

Andrew Golding, do you get that reaction from both males and females? Or mostly from women? My husband is very friendly when we go on our evening walks - totally un-creepy, guy - walking with his wife, whilst pulling a wagon with a super cute elderly Cavalier King Charles Spaniel in it. We are clearly 3 old farts out for our evening constitutional. He says "good evening" or some greeting to just about everyone. Women always give him the cold shoulder. Men usually respond positively. I don't greet them. Sometimes I'll just give a nod.

Andrew Golding

Caryn B_____, I suppose I might notice it more from females. I think guys are trained to ignore one another in certain social situations like shopping. Can't have the world thinking you're gay, right? So there's that whole set of phobias to contend with. If I'm out walking, in my own neighborhood, where by now I am a fixture by which you could set your clock, it is different. I get waves and friendly smiles. I'm like the old neighborhood dog, making his nightly rounds. It is more in the supermarket that I've noticed this uneasy distancing, which long preceded COVID. It comes at a time when I am genuinely trying to work on myself, to improve my social skills, that we are slapped with a pandemic. As if the universe is telling me, "Nice try, but not today!"

Lesa L____

Andrew Golding, I deft don't think your friends unkind but just the opposite. I think you got a great group of friendships here and I actually learn alot from them sharing stuff with you, which is why I wanted to make sure I was waving my friend flag and be seen as friend and not foe!! I don't want to be a fe-fi-foe-fum!! No good . And thank you for your kind words too. You make a flower blush !!

Andrew Golding

Lesa L____, I don't know of anyone who'd see you as anything other than what you are: a kind-hearted, well-meaning soul. I, too, learn a lot from my friends, though I think they are too easy on me at times. I've been given plenty of different perspectives, and made to see many things in a different light. It takes a lot to turn my train of thought around, but sometimes it can be accomplished with the gentlest of approaches. Slaps in the face or pokes with a stick work too, but I prefer the carrot. And you are a slice of carrot cake with delicious icing and sprinkles.

Lesa L_____

Andrew Golding

Caryn B______

Not sure what it says about me, but I'm kinda welcoming the eye-averting and stepping aside / wide berth from strangers. LOL. Yeah - it feels like "at least it's not only me these days!".

Andrew Golding

Kinda takes the pressure off. Don't have to fake any smiles since no one can see your mug anyway.

Caryn B_____

Andrew Golding, I have discovered I can yawn during a conversation without anyone knowing! LOL

Andrew Golding

Caryn B_____,  I could full on mouth grumble if I were so inclined. I stopped being so inclined a few years ago, but I could have really used this mask situation back then.