Response to personal ad #246264

Dear #246264

Hi there! Say, 246264, what a pretty number you have. I'll bet your box is neat, clean and centrally located (not up near the ceiling or down by the floor). I perceive that you are a very fine postal patron, one with whom I'd be delighted to correspond.

I am intrigued by the vagueness of your list of qualifications. In themselves, they reveal a lot without revealing anything. "Commitment" is very important to you. Number one on your list, right after Male. I surmise this means you have been treated badly by someone who was less than committed.

You probably have a poor self-image, as you seek only "average or better looking" and do not even attempt to describe yourself. You are either a Circus Fat Lady, or a club foot, or a hairlip with eczema, or have the personality of a bowl of jello. Anyway, whatever it is about you, I like it. You probably come from a rough neighborhood where only Portuguese is spoken. I could be wrong.

So, what's my story? Well, I'm 27 years old, I live in Chico and work graveyard shift at the local board and care for the mentally ill. I am a neo-hippie, outdoor wilderness bum. I live with my uncle, but will be moving out onto the open road in my '63 Dodge Commando Van. I like fishing, canoeing, hiking, biking, guitar, drawing, writing, etc, etc.

I haven't had many girlfriends in my life, mainly because I hate the initial rejection, the lying and bullshit headgame jealousy rut, the broken dreams and pain of parting. That's happened 2 or 3 times and I always get hurt and absorb all the damage. I have learned to stay out of situations that could cause emotional pain. Being a rugged outdoorsman, I do all right solo. But it gets lonely, and I think, "God, if I only had that 'one true love' with me, all life's problems would seem so small and its joys so grand."

So, occasionally I reach out to another lonely soul through a Classified Ad. But come to find out, these people aren't lonely at all. They are accountants, looking for an early retirement plan. They are ex-game show hostesses, quite used to the Lottery Lifestyle. They are sociology students who report the findings of their Personal Ad Response surveys directly to George Bush.

I don't have AIDS. I'm not a substance abuser or an alcoholic. I believe in monogamy, fidelity, honesty. I am on no career path currently, but have educational resources which may be tapped whenever it is I decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. Right now I'm enjoying the years of carefree youth that I believe our workaholic society robs us of.

I am looking for someone warm, open and non-materialistic who is not a whining sissy. I like to take this female on a 6 month camping trip after which time we can settle down into the white picket American Pipe Dream. But commitment is important to me, especially in these times of economic uncertainty. What could be worse than to lose your job (and thus your house, car and assets) and then have your wife leave you because you are a bum.

I believe in Love, thick or thin. I feel that I am at least "above average" in looks and intelligence (at least potentially). I hope we can meet, fall in love, go camping , get married, etc. Like to? Write me.

YF,
Andrew