Response to Sexpot (another personal ad)

Dear Sexpot:

Hi there! Needless to say your ad caught my eye. I respect a woman who orders "1 or 2" of something she really wants. Your list of quality characteristics shows that you are sensible and confident. I like that. I love it! You are so straightforward.

Anyway, as to meeting up to your standards...hmmmn! We would have to be our own judges of that now, wouldn't we? I can say honestly and confidently that I am all of those things. Except 5-10+. I'm 5-9. Does this mean that I can't go on the ride? 'Cause I'll throw a tantrum. I'd wear high heels for ya, babe. No, really...if you wore garterbelts and fishnets. Accessories are optional. Ah, now we digress.

I hope to keep this letter short and to the point, so I will tell you forthrightly that I do not have AIDS or HIV or whatever they are calling it these days. My history has been one of religious celibacy and long term monogamous relationships. Except for high school, but I think we can forgive anyone of high school excesses. If they were committed before 1983.

That's when I was flung into the monastery, but I don't wish to speak of that now. It makes my loins burn with anger to think that for 5 years I did not plow. My seed went unsown. Poor Henry, poor poor Hank...But I have become vulgar. Let's just say I'm back.

But the world has changed. No more free love. Nome more safe love or safe nuthin. I guess life is a game of chances, but the prudent--who live--don't chance jumping in front of a train every day. Now, on a good day, with a good running start, favorable tailwind, and a Wheaties breakfast behind them...the prudent might try just about anything! But prudently. Which, at times, means being a prude. Better prude than dead. Ha. Enough on that, I am a completely safe risk.

But other qualities, which are equally important, I find hard to discuss without sounding pompous. I really am attractive, considerate, in shape, respecting of women and--ahem--erotic and sensual. So why waste this lovely sheet of paper on subjective delusional abstractions?

I am 27 years old. I stay in shape by bicycling, swimming, canoeing and weight-lifting. I keep my fingers in shape by playing guitar. I read a lot, but mostly on the job. I'm graveyard shift at the local board and care for the mentally ill. Nice job. Nice people. Schizophrenic and bipolar, mostly. I like camping and fishing. Regular sort of guy. Who looks like a cross between John Lennon, Jesus and, oh, yes, Adonis. Or was it Narcissus?

Anyway, 'nuff about me. Let's talk. Let's meet. Let's get wild and crazy. In a sensible and prudent fashion. Much affection, hugs and kisses.

Andrew
343-2372