Email from when Sharon and I broke up briefly in 1999

From: dogboner
To: Sharon Orrick
Subject: good for you, girl
Date: Friday, May 14, 1999 02:10:47

Dear Sharon,
 
I hope that you do what is right for you, and that you will stay true to your truest feelings at all times. I know you that your problem revolves around a co-dependency issue; you've never been alone for any length of time. But alone is not so bad; it gives you time to discover what you really are, what you feel,
and what makes you happy. 

People in relationships have to have something to bring, of their own, to the relationship. When two people are focused only on each other, they become stagnant, and lose touch with reality. For instance, my lack of outside interests, has made me an isolated, and boring person. I spent all my time and energy focused on you, and lost myself in the process. 

I was a person (not necessarily the most responsible or intelligent) who had a life (kind of lonely, and dysfunctional) and thoughts of my own. Ok, I'm not a good example. But I did have things that used to make me happy (ok, they were stupid things like playing music over the cb and thinking I was a local celebrity).

I look back at the things that I used to do and wonder "who was that guy?" I have changed. I am in the process of changing. I need to find out what is important to me in life, what I am interested in, what I am about. 

For the last year and a half I have been about you. And I have let the other aspects of my personality
that used to mean something to me die. Some of them were elements of my immature  teenage lifestyle, and they needed to die. 

Being with you made me grow up and start taking things more seriously. I gained something but I lost something as well. We all need to have our own space, inside our heads, that is us, not someone's expectation or ideal. I have tried to live up to your ideal, but I never left very much time or energy for what I was about. 

The thing is, I have never been so happy, felt so complete as when I was with you. When we were together, even on our most ho-hum days, I look back on them and they were the best days of my life. I can't kid myself, and tell myself that I'd be better off without you. 

I am constantly reminded of you (and it hasn't been very long since we've been apart) by songs "Your just too good to be true, can't keep my eyes off you..." and "I only have eyes for you," and I go to pieces. 

I was reminded of Monterey, by something on TV, and I was back there with you. Remembering driving on the coast, into the sunset. How romantic it was, how we were still together. How much I miss you and need your love. 

I thought I was stronger than this. I think about the things you did and try to convince myself that I am better off without you. But all I really want is to hold you and have you with me forever. The way I thought we used to be. 

I was in my own little dream world, I guess, but you were there in my dream. You were my dream. I had a harsh awakening when you decided that you would seek a way out of the relationship. I didn't want to let you go. I couldn't believe you could want someone else. I guess I was a fool, who was just too in love to want to believe it. 

I know that you did what you did, because you have a problem, and this problem is not my fault. I could be the greatest guy in the world (I am not) and you would still have this problem. 

You need to take care of your own heart and mind, try to get tuned in to what's real, leave aside relationships for a while and focus on your own life. You can't find happiness with someone else, if you are not happy with who you are. 

I know what is best for you, and although it doesn't make me happy to be without the love of my life, it is for the best. I think you need to do as your parents say, lose the weight, stay out of chat rooms and away from the personal ads. 

Keep your horses, and stay focused on them. They are the key to your sanity. They are what you are really about. When I met you they were the center of your life, and they were what made you who you
were. 

It was very romantic for me, when we first met, to see you going about your horse business. It was fascinating for me to see a girl who was capable of dealing with these big, powerful animals. To be able to be a part of your life, you the capable cowgirl, was thrilling for me. 

Sure, I was green, and you've had to show me everything, so that I wouldn't get myself killed, or ruin your training. But now, much of what you've shown me seems like second nature. 

Your horses are one of the things that make you an interesting and special person. Don't let your priorities get so far out of whack that you forget who you are and what you are really about. 

If you will always promise to be truthful with me, I will always be your friend. I can't say what will happen in the future, but for now we need to spend some time apart. If there is really love there it will stand the test of time. If there isn't then the pain of breaking up will only be temporary. Only time will tell. 

I won't be reading your email, or checking up on you. You are your own person, and owe me nothing. If time and fate bring us together again, perhaps we could start afresh, and be kind to one another again. 

I have some growing up to ao, too. I need to be my own person first, and have my own life and priorities in order. I need to take care of No. 1 (and clean up the No. 2) .

I will carry about with me forever the good times that we have shared. I will put the bad things in the past, and hopefully they will fade into the distance, as they already have for me. I am without anger, I
am left only with the memories of us, and miss you very much. 

Be good, I will never be far away.
 
Love,
 
Andrew