P.S. The date on your email says Jan 18 but I didn't get it until Feb 9 .... am I in a time warp?
Dearest Mom,
I don't know where to begin this so I'll just hit you over the head with it, then I'll back up and see if I can't make some sense of it to you afterward.
Sharon and I are back together again.
I know you feel that since she hurt me and treated me so badly, that I should hate her and never want to be with her again. I just can't do that.
It's not because I am a weak person. I feel that during the time we were apart I became much more self-reliant and learned much about myself as a person. One of the things I learned was how much I really loved her. Sure, I did try to put her out of my mind, but you know how I cried and wailed because I couldn't bear to let her go. You can never forget your true love.
Well, letting her go turned out to be the best thing. She had a month to do as she pleased, to be free, to try to replace me or be alone-whatever she wanted. And after comparing every single guy she came in contact with to me, guess what? She realized that she couldn't replace me, and that what she was searching for was what she already had, and lost.
She wrote me a letter, begging me to take her back, apologizing for everything and saying that she realized that she loved me. I know that this was a difficult thing for her to do because she has a lot of pride. But she just poured out her heart to me and I knew that if she really felt this way, that she had learned some really valuable things by being away from me. I didn't really have to think too much to know what I wanted, but I had to be sure she knew what she wanted. I talked to her about her letter. She really meant everything she said and she has a whole new attitude.
I know you were mad at her for hurting me and you only want to see me happy. Believe me, she is sorry that she did what she did. It nearly cost her everything, because sooner or later the door to my heart would have closed shut and who knows if I'd ever have been able to open it again. She feels terribly about how you must feel about her and knows that it will be difficult for you to accept her again. But I am asking you for my sake, and the sake of any future (who knows) kids there may be, that you help me to put aside the past.
People make mistakes in life, and they get confused and don't know what's best sometimes. If I learned anything from 5 years of Christianity, it was that love is greater than evil. Love can even the score with one stroke, and it is called forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness is impossible, when someone is in a state of denial, or unrepentant. But when someone whom you love begs you to take them back, and tells you how sorry they are to have hurt you, and that they love you and will do anything for you ... that they can't live without you -- well, I can tell you, it isn't hard to forgive.
Forgetting may be another matter. It takes time, and a lot of positive water flowing under the bridge.
Sharon and I are determined to make things work out. Sharon's mom, who has always liked me, but never thought we were right for each other is beginning to see the possibility that we may be destined to be together after all. I don't think a person gets too many chances at love in this life, and I don't want to blow mine by saying "well, because you did this, then I will have to do that-and tic and tac, check-mate, I win." I just don't see the point. She has assured me that she has "gotten her head out of her ass" and that she won't do anything like that again.
I am willing to forgive her and try again. I never did stop loving her, Mom. It was a very painful experience, but I think she is better for it and the result is that our relationship can be better, too. She is much more appreciative of us, and realizes that what we had was something very special. I don't know what the future will hold, I just know that I am happier with her in my life, and happiest of all now that she is genuinely 100% in the relationship. It may be difficult to understand, but what we have now is stronger than what I thought we had before.
How are things with you guys? Sounds like financial belt-tightening, all the way around. Well, at least your house is paid off ... (I think.) And the both of you are highly employable, if perhaps overqualified. When I am faced with a shaky perch, I always try to make my jump to higher ground. Sometimes you can only move laterally, or down. But as long as it's a soft landing you aren't in too much trouble. I don't foresee too bad of a time for you, as you are both very smart and have many options available.
When I ever finish this schooling, I will have plenty of open doors. Hopefully, I won't be tossed out of them for ineptitude. There are just so many things to learn and apply before you can become the "master mechanic" that people think you already are when you get your certification. I just learned how to set the timing on my car for the first time last weekend. I have the advantage of having a certain amount of intellectual ability, which doesn't always equal common sense, but can make you look like you know what you are doing (even when you really don't.) I learn the most when I make mistakes. Bill Gates was right when he said "success is a lousy teacher." You definitely learn more from getting something wrong than from getting it right by accident.
I really appreciate you guys being there for me, I'd never be able to do this if it weren't for your help.
I'm hoping my last two semesters I will be able to work as either a teachers aid or in some local auto shop and get paid to get my skills up. I know my first job won't be that great as far as pay (it is what is called paying your dues) but hopefully they will provide the on-the-job training that I am still lacking.
Well, take care ... Talk to you later. Don't be mad at me for being with Sharon, I know it will take time, but I hope you two can become friends again.
Love,
Andrew
