Seriously, Jeff. If I had a group for lonely, desperate people called "You are not alone" I wouldn't leave them hanging for days waiting for their posts to get approved. I actually feel worse now that I attempted to reach out and am being ignored. I take things too personally, but that's par for the course for a person like me. I've been socially awkward ever since I can remember. It's worse now that I have no forced interactions like school or work to give me context. I'm going to withdraw further into my "hole."
I recently re-read some old Facebook messenger chats between Sharon and myself from 2010 to 2013. We actually had nice things to say to one another and, of course, reading her kind words was enough to send me bawling again. If only I had seen the future, I could have appreciated those times and really meant it. I felt like I was just not there for her emotionally at the time, being so wrapped up in my own petty dissatisfaction. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.
Monday, October 29, 2018
I'm not alone, just waiting forever for "approval"
Hi, I'm Andrew, AKA Hoodyup the Evil Caregiver, and I approved this blog post. I may not have been in my right mind at the time, but what's done is done. I stand by my sins. Eppur si muove.
I started this blog as a way to vent my frustrations with life, the universe and everything (not the book by Douglas Adams; that was quite good, actually).
My seemingly charmed life took a turn in 2004 when my wife Sharon was diagnosed with MS. This blog documents the fallout and revisits the past, as well as chronicling my dreams and rants throughout the years.
Be warned - explicit language and content that runs the gamut can be found in these posts, which describe personal events, both real and those dreamed up by my overactive nocturnal psyche.
Also, I use real names whenever possible, so if you see a post with your name on it, it probably refers to you. Unless, of course, you don't know me, in which case it is purely coincidental.
Enjoy your visit. Comment, if you so desire, or lurk privately. This blog can be your guilty pleasure (or displeasure).
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.