NNA

 

My new support group. Narcissistic Nihilists Anonymous. I'm the only member, but others can feel free to form their own one person support groups if they like.

I've been watching the show "After Life," a Netflix mini-series, and I can relate to a lot of the main character's flaws (and strengths, if you can call them that). It's about a guy, whose wife recently died, leaving him in a pool of misery. While his wife was alive, as seen in videos of her that he watches, he was a fun-loving, if slightly mischievous little kid of a man. Now, alone in the world except for his dog, he is a suicidal, raging narcissist, who treats everyone like shit and sees life as an empty, meaningless drag which he wishes would end soon.

I'm not going to write a review of the show, well, maybe I will, later. I have yet to watch the final episode. Kind of like my own story. There may be one act left in this play.

Oh, and the grief group went fine. I didn't have to lie. I really did notice some damned positivity creeping in. But I made it clear that this was not my intention, and I'd get back to the miserable suffering dude persona in no time. 

I personally think they should hold the potluck on the first or second meeting. That way people could informally talk and get to know one another early on, rather than waiting for the final day to finally have their first conversation.

I discovered that one of the group's participants, a Christian widow, is my neighbor in Loma Rica. Not that we'll be swapping scriptures or anything, but we do have some things we can relate on. I found myself enjoying the interaction and had a connection with several of the other group members. Now that the group has finished, I'll probably never see any of them again.

I did learn one thing: when you are in a position to speak, and the thought occurs to you, "I should say something," go ahead and say it. If you don't you'll regret the whole missed timeline that you could have created by simply opening your mouth. 

Even in cases where you make an ass out of yourself, do it anyway. You'll never know that feeling of being a total ass, or having your ass hanging out in the wind, to be mocked by passersby. It can be exhilarating, like riding a skateboard nude through Santa Monica at 10 o'clock at night. But that's a story for another day.

It's getting late in my morning for lounging around in front of a keyboard. Laundry, vacuuming and some form of outdoor landscape maintenance is in my future.