Alternate timelines, quantum physics and the nature of reality

 

*crickets*

Yeah, I got nothing. It was a thought that evaporated before it even got warm enough to make a proper cup of tea. Vanished, like a--like...oh, crap, my metaphor machine ain't workin' tonight. It vanished like... like, something that vanishes. And, you know, then it's gone. Like THAT, ok? 

Shit, I'm tired. It's been a long day. I was all set to explain the nature of existence in all its fascinating detail, but the concept proved too much for my minuscule specimen of a brain. I know when I'm licked. Goodnight.

---

Oh, and what is a quantum vacuum? And could I benefit from owning a quantum vacuum cleaner? The latest theory on how the universe came from "nothing" is now that it sprung from a quantum vacuum, operating within the familiar domain of space time. 

I'm not gonna try to convince myself that I understand even the fundamentals of any of these theories beyond hearsay interpretations of a book that I never read. But evidently, "nothing" doesn't mean nothing after all. It means a quantum vacuum.

So, in describing this quantum vacuum...does it have a HEPA filter? What size is the dust reservoir? Does it need to be plugged in? And where would one plug it in, anyway, since the whole universe is going to need to exist in order to for there to be an electrical outlet somewhere. Would it need a special quantum outlet, you know, like the self-existing vacuum?

Why does adding the word "quantum" to everything lend supposed legitimacy to an impossible koan, as if the apparent inconsistencies in our understanding of the deepest mysteries of life can easily cleared up by appending the word quantum to any area that requires a bit more 'splaining?

Try it at parties, you are sure to impress. That guacamole tastes a bit off. It's probably quantum-guacamole, existing slightly outside of our precise physical dimension, but not quite far enough outside of it so as to actually disappear from perception. Just enough to alter the taste. Damn quantum fluctuations, always fucking with the taste of our hors d'oeuvres.

And by all means, stick with your original timeline. That's the ticket. Don't keep flipping the damn channels. Anything else and you are just practicing escapism,  of which there really isn't such a thing, anyway. All the music must be faced eventually. 

Putting things off indefinitely won't work. Indefinitely always rolls around. If you get stuck in a time loop, it can be hell, but hell can always be escaped from. It only takes a thought, and you are on your way. Where? Who knows. That's the whole idea.