Round and round and round she goes...I feel like a roulette wheel of emotion. Just your two basic colors, red or black, red being anger and black being sadness. Rage against the universe or recoil in despair. My two responses to everything in life. Oh, sure there's double zero, green, but that's as rare as snow in the desert.
I'm finding that anger is a much more productive reaction than the listless melancholy that I've been so endeared to.
"Hate is good. Hate keeps a man alive, 41," as the slave driver said to Ben Hur, in the classic slave ship scene.
I get more done in a day when I'm fed up and disgusted with something, and it gets me pissed enough to actually do something about it. I hated on the snails, so now I get up and religiously persecute them. It just bugged me enough to break the cycle.
Next, I had to get after the weeds in front of my house. My street frontage would be a fire hazard if I let them grow willy-nilly. I had a bit of spare energy left over from the snail killing, so I thought I'd tackle a chunk of real estate.
It takes more than one day for me to accomplish anything; I'm not the whirlwind that I was ten years ago. But I managed to get a little done yesterday and a little more today. It has to be done, and I can't pay someone to do it for me, so I don't care if it takes me all summer.
First snails, then weeds. It's a slippery slope being the guy that kills things. I killed a spider in the bathroom with very little remorse. I'll let daddy long legs live, but this guy was an unknown brown spider.
Sorry, but it's getting to be a "them or me" world, and I don't want to get bitten in the middle of the night because some arachnid isn't honoring the non-aggression pact. I still feel bad that it has to be this way.
It would be nice if I could do my chores and the necessary tasks in life without having to adopt an evil attitude or be fueled by anger. But I'll take what I can get right now. My energy level has been so low; at least it's something.
But please don't tell me I'm "cured" or start the hallelujahs just yet. Tomorrow's another day, and I'll see where the spin of the wheel takes me when I get there.
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.