Just a theme, no dream

Another zombie themed dream. This is the second time I've had this feeling in a dream that I can't remember, of being semi-apologetic when someone in the dream asks, "What is this dream about?"

"It's a zombie dream, I suppose," I offer, feeling that I really shouldn't be dreaming of such things for some reason. But it's like I have the sense that this is the reality that I'm in, the ominous foreboding, the constant need to hide from lurking flesh-eaters but no real story. Just flashes of that world. 

This time I felt a sense of how a zombie perceives a person, which is kind of like an x-ray, a black and white image, visible in small frames. To sense motion they have to compare the slides in a rudimentary, binary kind of way and make a reasoned decision:

"This picture not like that picture. Target has moved. Target is alive. Pursue target." 

If one can remain still or move slow enough, the pictures will appear enough alike to not arouse suspicion and one can slowly slip away. But once you panic, the chase is on and it is difficult to reset their target acquisition button.

Meanwhile, my self-isolation due to the real-life pandemic is making me a little more batty each day. My only weekly socialization, a depression group at Sutter-Yuba Behavioral Health, has been cancelled, along with every other public function. People are only supposed to leave their homes for necessities like grocery shopping or medical emergencies. 

Most non-emergency medical appointments have been postponed indefinitely, so I'm going to have to wait for my GI specialist appointment. I wasn't looking forward to it anyway, and would probably much rather just get this whole dying thing over with, since that seems to be where I'm headed. Perhaps the virus will fast track the process for me, I could only hope. I don't wish to die, but this kind of living is a long torturous business that seems kind of pointless, really.