Conversations with the text editor (cont.)

7-3-20

Do I dare to try again? How is the speech interpreter going to interpret what I say today? So far so good. Backspace backspace backspace backspace. Nope not going to do that one. End it would be nice if it would decide where the commas went. And differentiate between and and and. See what I mean? End end and. And and and. And, as in the end, and and as in you know one and one or two. Not aurar thank you. Oh my fucking God what the hell is in aurar parrot X exclamation point hair fucking lip cocksucker motherfucker.

Hey, brilliant! You heard me correctly when I said

“

I’m never going to get the words new paragraph to sit together

Nooooo!

Nooooo paragraph! Nooooo paragraph! New any W not any WN EEE hello fucking piece of shit W paragraph. Thank you end no not in N and as in the letter in.

Someone is obviously getting high at the spellcheck wheel. Interesting how you thought about that. First it was will no not WILL but WE‘ SLL. Who threw the ass in there ignorant lap dick piece of shit Tourette’s my thing now. So I see a flock of turkeys nice. Am I really going to go back later and try to re-correct all is grammatically stupid moronic shit? Not likely.

So I’m out on my walk call mom the sun is setting. Who said to call mom? What the fuck! My secretary sucks. I was trying to get to the certain point here, it is descriptor my current status, my surroundings, etc. But instead I am at war with a grammatically stupid piece of technology that goes over things and under things and misinterprets everything I say. Thanks not things moron.

So I’m supposed to be on this walk, being mindful and shit. Thinking of lovely things like sunsets and birds being my spiritual teacher and crap. That’s where I’m supposed to be at. Instead I’m looking at my shoes hoping I don’t trip. I’m talking to a spellchecker who is two… To TOOTOO not to though TOOTOO not to fucking freak!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck hey!

So my spiritual observation was this: The saying “everything happens for a reason“ for “there are no coincidences“ there’s a bunch of shit. I mean, not really, things do happen for a reason. Just not the spiritually significant fairytale of a reason that most people construe them to be. So if the planter falls off of a fourth story balcony and lands on my head I can say that it happen for a reason. The reason being some jack ass put it on the ledge I accidentally knowledged it while he was out there drinking a beer they’re not paying any attention to what the fuck he was doing. Good enough! No karma, necessarily,

To be blamed. People are adapted stringing together sequences have events and attaching special meetings to suit their narrative, usually giving them a favorable place in the eyes of some creator are universal matrix or water whatever not water you piece of Kaka

Who is more stupid text editor the idiot who thinks the text editor is going to actually say the right thing at any given time?

Meanwhile, what spiritual benefit is been derived from icy from my sitting here not I see you idiot fuck but goddamn shit! What benefit at all? It’s like I had one thought and I tried to nurture it and this is what I’ve gotten– – Argument argument out of a piece of software engineer most likely by robots and for robots.

Sharon’s LED showed up again today. Just as I was about to get ready to go for my walk. Winked at me and I noticed it. Moments later I was bawling because I thought “how many moments that I have with her that I did not treasure her like I should have.“ Then I thought of other memories, or try to. Because a lot of the memories that have stuck are the shit ones. We bonded over shit we went through some shit together. I was extremely pissed at shit and colored my whole life with that color crayon. Until now, when I want to go back and look. Now I want to see the other highlights and moments that I have taken for granted. So I went for this walk and didn’t bring any headphones to distract me from hearing the sounds of nature. Nothing to isolate me into my own bubble of diluted non-awareness. Diluted not diluted. Can you even fathom what the fuck I’m saying you had it right the first time diluted. Diluted. Diluted. Wrong wrong wrong. Diluted diluted do you Loulou dad do you lewd Ed.!.!.! Fuck fuck fuck diluted diluted can you fucking learn something here? Diluted. Thank you I’m fucking thank you done UN thank you. Diluted

• Am I ever going to get you to say diluted do you lose dead DELUDETD fuck diluted. Diluted diluted like I am so deluded and all that shit because you’re not gonna keep it you’re going to change it after I’m done piece of shit fucking ass. Oh no you did keep it so I’m diluted. No I’m diluted. Yes I’m diluted no I’m diluted dilute delete delude.Because I am so deluded in my thinking, yes, thank you. Finally! Now I don’t even really think I know what I was trying to fucking say in the first place so good night! Close the fucking program.

6-20-20

Hello. I’m going to make my “we’re attitude“ known although it probably will not come out as I intended because I’m talking to this MS and speech interpreter, and do you know how that goes. So many typos I may as well turn it in to a parity no not parity para D no not paradise Parodi there are yeah go so I miss shape in tongue to friend what I’m trying to say in my roundabout way is thank you thank you very much a day without pain is like a day without rain but like you know in a place where you don’t want rain because rain sucks and you have to much of it not like right now or I really wouldn’t mind it anyways my thoughts on this matter are should I be grateful of course I’m grateful fuck yeah I don’t have nearly the gut pain today despite my having drink some coffee this morning and nibbled on mostly all the same foods all day minus the dairy and so yeah I will take it for the win 500 Alex now I’m out on my walk walking around on this earth looking at the orange burnt sienna number whatever orangutan color and I’m sitting here going yeah cool so do I think anyways? My big brother Jesus? Papa God? Schrodinger or his cat? I don’t know I don’t I don’t care. I’m going to thank them all individually and collectively I’ll take some of the credit myself for having hung around long enough on this planet for my turn at the wheel of something good might happen today. I will give myself credit for not having checked the damn wheel all the other days when life was basically a rock in my shoe do they sell only put up with for the duration. So what shall we say about this buffet table cost and Mark this universe of duality infinite possibilities? Well? I guess if one sits down at the buffet, One in which every single possibility imaginable and probably a few unimagined ones is laid out before you but the only thing you perceive is the giant bowl of steaming shit which is right in front of you. It kind of puts a damper on the rest of the buffet I’m not gonna go try to stretch this metaphor out too far because I know there’s too many variables that just won’t fit so what I will say yes holy shit hallelujah thank you Jesus! The day was very little pain OK, there was that nasty ear infection… But I got on the phone right quick and got a prescription for some antibiotics parentheses not to mention I already have the same ones in my stash and will have no problem taking them and parentheses. So got check here check pending but pretty much check since it’s looking a little better than it did this morning and what else I’ve got some friends in the world one of them someone who I care about NA platonic and secret admirer crush kind of way, That person being Diane. This person Diane is it a marriage that she would like to come visit me. Me! Within the next few weeks! So I am waking up to the fact that I need to clean the fuck out of my house. It is not girlfriend Lee at the moment. It’s barely stinky boy caveman friendly. No it’s not altogether certain she’s going to actually show up. Plenty of time left in the game for her to forfeit. But I’m going to do my best to not fuck this one up like I did with Lisa. I will inevitably say some dumb shit between now and the time she is scheduled to arrive. And once she is here, oh God

That’s when the real fun begins. How am I going to play this? Mr. cool? Mr. suave? Mr. indifferent don’t give a fuck??? Maybe I’ll just be me and see what comes out. It will be a surprise I guarantee it. Anyways do you have a chain that will have to go on to get this little note privately publicly available to nine retarded monkey type readers will be a man and so this will sit here on my phone unread for quite some time. And shit ever see the light of day, let me be the first to announce that I have a slight feeling creeping up from the inside of me which is not quite identifiable but seems to fall along the lines of “happy

.” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha exclamation motherfucking point! Yeah, baby! Return

Well that was good. I’d like to also think Sharon, my guardian angel lover friend and confidant. She has been with me this week in the form of the LED. It has been consistent and bright sometimes blinking crazily other times beaming and I have to say that that makes me happy as well. So here I am walking in the dark or close to it twilight I believe somethings cannot be looking better. I mean I could but Christ I don’t wanna be greedy I just want to take it in I’m OK right now I am OK I may have dreamed that I was going to die last night, but miraculously I woke to this particular day with various different emotions and configurations of things that sucked didn’t suck and we’re actually very cool one might say ruled, so to speak. I performed a variety of functionsWithin acceptable parameters, or so I thought at the time. Now I’m walking through the spooky old woods all alone. Leave the light on for me.

3-22-20

Infamous mindfulness. There you go. Awareness exercise. I am aware. I’m aware of the air. I’m aware of a bear. I’m aware of my underwear. Where are my underwear. Where am I? I’m aware that I am lost. I’m aware that this trail isn’t going anywhere I’m aware that the sun is going down I’m aware of the clouds to my left and aware of a tree with no leaves on it I’m aware of poison oak everywhere. I’m aware of the path my feet are traveling on. This path looks familiar. I’m aware of a bird making some kind of a noise. I’m aware of my body. It is making noises too. I’m aware of my feet inside of my boots. I’m aware of insects. For more birds. More trees. And dad sagebrush. I am aware of rocks. I am aware of grass. I am aware that my hat feels hard on my head. I am aware of my back muscles aching. I am aware of a last name in my abdominal pain. I am aware of many many many poison oak plants. I am aware of the coolness, the stillness, freshness of the year. I’m aware of dead trees extreme across the ground. I’m aware of the rays of sunlight creeping across the hills as they think then. I am aware of shadows and Cal shit round.Oh shit. Cow shit. Thank you not cow nor is it an exclamation of surprise, simply an observation that a cow his crap here. Now I’m going to take a picture.

 OK I’m back. I don’t satisfying as I had hoped for. Continuing on, I am aware of some cows. Must be where the shit came from. I am aware of a sense of peace. I get along with cows just fine. I’m aware that there may be able to at some point at which case I might have to run I’m behind a tree. But for now is calcium 20 present. I’m good

. OK enough of that I can clearly see the way home now. I’m aware that I have taken a meandering walk which is let me in a rather irregular shaped circle and I am all together not displeased with that. I am aware of my suspenders holding up my pants. Actually, not so much. My waistline has expanded and my pants are staying up on their own accord. I am aware of cars to the right of me behind me no cows in my immediate path. I’m gonna stop saying I’m aware because I think that’s kind of understood by now. There is a tree with very few leaves on it that there are still some on it when it persists. Most of the trees have a fuzzy appearance, As though they are growing little tough to have hair out of each and every crook between their branches they’re not putting out normal leaves but these clumpy little puffs of leaf clusters. Cows are making a non-pleasant sound as if to protest my arrival and departure without having fed them. I’m walking through a intersection of fast back back back back back I guess you won’t back up will you. You’re good at taking directions when it comes to periods though, aren’t you? Not so good at backspacing backspace backspace. Nope. Anyway, just

Me walking, with my device, mindfully speaking my observations into its poorly transcribed checks. I like to see these clouds they are nice. I am glad that someone stacked all the wood they cut. When will they ever take the word I wander? Do I appear in sane to this clump of cow shit. I mean??

3-22-20

Your all notes. Neural notes. That’s better. Notes. Euro notes. Neural notes. Neural notes. Neural notes. No. No. No. Neural notes. No. Neural notes. No. Notes. I mean wait, yes. Neural notes. Yes!

Hello, that’s rich.

Scored a dime a dozen. I’m trying to say

Sorry dime a dozen. Ha ha. New paragraph. It’s all in the pies. Pies. Pause not pies you freaking won’t! Why old really????? No seriously who are you calling all. Old. Not all. Stupid Abercrombie motherfucking piece of Finch. And that’s the way it was, in all hours. Period. Play VA! Boy. Oh hi! Oh OK oh OK oh OK I have boy

3-21-20

Girl Nuro notes Miral Duracell Nuro Nuro Nuro thank you you’re on your own you’re off stupid wonder fabulous plenty of punctuation mark fatigue euro Nuro Nuro euro bureau Nuro euro Miral Miral urinal Nuro neuralgia you’re our you’re always on your own euro funeral you are LOL euroEuro euro euro euro euro Bureau Nuro your rail you’re off euro euro when you’re off neural life Nuro

All that to say neural. Neural notes. Thank you thank you very much. I have left the building.

Honestly, I have forgotten what the fuck I was going to say. Neural notes. Hey, thank you! It’s self corrected from your old notes to neural notes. Gretchen fucking relations. Well that didn’t work out. Congrats-you fucking-lesions. Period.………… Dot. Probably FM FM FM nothing everything everything EFFING. Conversations with the spellchecker texting wise voice to text whatever the fuck you are insane shit came with this phone LOL how old are you graduations you suck. Congratulations. You suck. Period. Oh yeah, I remembered what I was about to start making notes about. Neural notes. Your own notes. Euro notes. OK one of them was right. Guess which one? Your old notes. Not quite! Your own notes. Neural notes. Neural notes. It’s enough for now, pig. Fuck me running. And OK, here goes. Once upon a time, there was this boy, Who, after everything was said and done had regretted the fact that he had ever gotten involved with a certain girl. That boy was me. That girl was you. So at the moment, this boy, me. Wait, no. Period. Not waiting no, no. Not wait no., No. No. No, period. That’s it, that’s all I wanted to say. For now. Ha! Motherfucking stupid ass recording shit for brains piece of crap ass motherfucker. Oh, did you get all that? Wonderful! Thank you. The end. I mean it, this is it.

3-21-20

OK. I stepped outside and I am noticing the world all around me. It’s a pretty big place. I’m just standing here in my backyard, just barely a blip on this huge giant planet, not even as significant as a Tree. But I can do for more than a tree in the way of damage to the earth, let’s say. The tree, most it could do is fall over and maybe crush something. I, on the other hand, can go out into the world in enact many different decisions which can create a whole assorted array of distruction. I won’t even go into all that, but it’s pretty bad. Anyways, trees huh? They’re pretty committed. Talk about putting down roots. The tree is going to stay there in one spot and make its stand. Forever. Till the wind knocks it over or its roots rot away. It’s going to stand there and suck all the moisture out of the ground, every last drop of nutrient from any dead thing that happened to absorb it self into the soil and every single ray of sunlight that its leaves can absorb. And it’s going to grow as tall as it possibly can, just in order to ensure that it is head and shoulders above every other tree that happens to be in its vicinity. So yeah, trees are pretty competitive too, I guess. On the other hand, they’re going to live in their environment without causing too much damage to the other living creatures around it. Except for the stray squirrel, as I mentioned, who might get crushed under a falling tree limb. Anyway what was I really talking about here? Oh yeah, nothing. I’m meditating. And getting some fresh air.