More walkie talkie to the stupid text editor

 

                                                          Chuck Biscuits

Good evening! Sunset is it really an orange, Amber actually, fading into a gold color. Or is it gold to Amber? I don’t know. It’s very nice at any rate. I’m walking the fire trail again. Nothing new under the sun, not today. Been a long day of misery well my gut insist that I’m just not “doing it’s right.“ I haven’t got a whole lot to say about that that hasn’t already been said. Moving along to other matters. Like what? What other matters? If I have to say black lives I’m want to check a biscuit. Chuck not check how would I ever even bother to check a biscuit? With a toothpick, stupid! Don’t ya know nothing?

Hey that’s exciting!

*Thing. No that’s not exciting at all. I was going to say

So I thing. Can’t I slip the words new paragraph into a sentence? Ha! Got that one around the sensors. Sensors send sores sensors as in censoring stupid. I’ll goddamnit you suck. No you’ll suck I’m just going to sit here and let you. I’ll be the one goddamn doing things goddamnit thing goddamnit – eating goddamn doing goddamnit I am G. Yeah I know I’m a fucking G my freaking old time G from Wayback mofo! Meanwhile, back at the inventory of spiritual nothingness – no real – not one like you fucking do you go there you go hi yeah I will never ever ever work out as you be my secretary you know that don’t you?? Do you like a Chinese waiter. I don’t even get me started on Siri because she sucks balls. Hey Siri can you hear me? Ha ha there Siri? No it’s just me and my robotic feet walking down gravel Elaine. Yeah Elaine is so… That I call her gravelly Lane. Oh nice you figured it out finally now worry about Elaine. No I’m not gonna worry about her you worry about it you’re the one that insults various dip shit.

Well let me just ask you? I mean, what are you actually thinking about when you process my speech can you race it all and come up with this new configuration that you somehow managed to pull out of your ass? What is going on inside of that little piece of shit squirrel brain? And another thing, do you mind if I abuse you so much? If I’m nice to you will you actually interpret what I say more correctly?

Didn’t catch that did you? That was a burp. It wasn’t a very exciting life I’m just average. No I’m not just average I’m spectacular the bird was just average. Not bird burp. Good God!

You and I are going to go around our way no not go our way go around, aren’t we? Like Sally go around roses in ring around the Rosie in oh that cool crap. Don’t get all dramatic on me all that cool crap oh now you can say all of that 00 really how’s that motherfucking moronic retarded piece of monkey shit… You caught all that day hey yeah OK your office parking space Lanegan if I start talking gibberish are you going to fucking write the Declaration of Independence down for me cogently coherently and specifically corrected all grammatical error formats?

Let’s try it out Hitler bought a blue bald plated rabbit with custom deluxe chrome features on the side like running boards and stuff with the usual panache that goes along with the mailbox or a vehicle of similar taste. I can see you’re not catching all this but you’re getting there. Maybe you’ll get there eventually. May Bach. Well it’s a little bit better one word now may Bach no no no no no may Bach MAYBACH like that motherfucker this is why people capitalize randomly throughout their texts. If I become blind I won’t be doing any texting who added to the text editor? Edit the text editor not added to carrots pearl carrots you really Christ so this is me talking to much again to myself because there’s no one else around so I can fart freely and without recrimination.

Don’t even believe an hour would give a hoot. Paul owl owl well there’s an owl in there somewhere his name must be Paul hello Paul, the owl. Find how to do how did you manage to get in here? You smell my farts? Never mind. One of these days I’m going to step on a snake. I’m just not paying that much attention to what I’m doing or where I’m going.

Yeah. That’s right bitch. I said it you did it. Trying to bother with all those commas there’s a bit of a drag. I’ll do that later. What if I am a woman and I am having my period are you going to go… Never mind. Menstruation. Well I’m glad we have that one figured out. All these periods I think wow. Well I said. And you gave me one now what are you going to how do you get the word. In a sentence. Like the periodical table of elements like there’s a period at the end of a sentence. Just like that I suppose.

It is about as exciting as talking to a fish. Actually the fish conversation might be a little bit more exciting. I would be out there, holding a rod, staring off into the river and waiting for a nibble. I will be issuing please no not please like as in please please as in a plea only plural of them thank you very much. Anyways those. Issuing lots of them. They will issue forth from me in an hour or fashion, outward fashion, That’s right motherfucker, and I would be waiting for a response with “bated breath.“ Ha ha ha.

Missed that last propaganda? Verb. Where the fuck are you going with this? Do you have to tell another story?

Adolf Hitler bought another bulb plated Rio stat to the market add to the thermal couple I’m trying to make a functional air-conditioning unit. Weathering be Bob blew up black van boom Tutti Frutti Who is that extra special if you got that one fucking correct. Meanwhile back at the setting sun birds are chirping settling in for the night. As I should be. But I’m out here walking off my extra flab do you know a fact because I still have it. Kicking rocks because that’s what you do when you drag your feet. And cursing not a little bit.

I see the sign post up ahead. The next stop you guessed it! It’s the turnaround point. And so I did. Home again home again, Jiggitty jig. Then why in the hell would Jiggitty be capitalized? What kind of priorities if you got? I know you have no functional language processing skills, but really. All right about to pop my second vitamin C chewable tablet in my mouth because that’s pretty exciting! Is it really though? If I put an! After something does it really make it sound exciting? Because I would like to put an ! No I’d like to slip that into a sentence, por favor. If I put an exclamation point after a word or phrase does that land at a certain gravitas? Can you feel me?

birds in the crickets wondering why I won’t shut up. No the birds and the crickets not the birds in the crickets. Geez! It would be the other way around, you know. Crickets in the birds, get it? Well this one’s particular evil strippers. Evil strippers really? I said vociferous! I can see I’m not gonna have any spiritual thoughts of this particular juncture. Sorry Xavier. I’m sorry for their misspelling your name Xavier with a J. Do I get home before dark? Find out on the next exciting episode. Send a fucking dictation. And and send… Really fucking fucking fuck. And END motherfucker. God damn.