I attend a funeral IRL and more bitching about "The G-Word."

 

I'm getting bored with this G-word journal. I went to a funeral yesterday. Houa invited me to the funeral of his aunt whom he barely knew. It was a pretty big affair, I'd say 50 or so people in attendance. She had no children, but the extended family was still large. 

I'd missed whatever ceremony or service they had, but made it to the burial. This was a very unceremonious burial. The family all watched as the cemetery workers lowered the casket into the plot and covered it with dirt and sod. It took about an hour, during which time people stood around talking and taking photos of one another. 

I sensed that most people were not in a state of grief of mourning, but it was just a nice social occasion to wear black. My friend wore a blue shirt and stood out somewhat because of it. We talked about life and death, but that was nothing new. We routinely discuss those things, so it wasn't a lively conversation. Mostly, we just stood and stared as the workers sweated away in the 100 degree heat. 

I'd gotten a plate of free food upon arrival, which I stashed in my car, where it sat un-refrigerated for several hours. Afterward I went home and later ate the Hmong leftovers with a glass of wine. I was expecting to get sick from eating food that was left out, but I microwaved it for, like, 10 minutes. All's well that ends well. 

I missed my Saturday ritual or music, coffee and cannabis, but I felt it was more important to go and support my friend. I can always do my simple routine, and since it's Sunday, and Labor Day weekend at that, I think I will indulge today. 

Why do I feel so ho-hum about everything? Got a case of the blahs, I guess. I'm taking 5mg lithium oratate and 2000mg magnesium glycinate as a last ditch effort to alleviate my depression. It seems to be doing something, but the emotions that I do feel are mostly irritation and anger. So here's my bloody list then.

1. I'm not dead (yet).

2. My pain is less. I've been tracking it over the last couple of weeks and it is pretty much down to a 2 or 3 and most of the time it isn't the primary or even secondary thought on my mind. A whole new world of bitching has opened up to me now that I'm not preoccupied with the pain in my gut.

3. I got away with eating the Hmong food of questionable freshness. It was wrapped well, and I did refrigerate it eventually before nuking it for 10 minutes or so on high. Oh, and it was tasty, too, though I did have to add some spices. Tapatio, black pepper and turmeric. 

That's about it for now. I don't even know why I'm bothering to write all this down. It is tedious. There are no epiphonous insights, vivid or even adequate descriptions of events or emotions. There is just this flat-sounding narrator's voice going on which makes me tired just to listen to. Maybe I'm just feeling disconnected from everything, and that also includes my own inner self. Like I'm not emotionally involved in my own life.

4. Oh, and I beat Katie at Words with Friends. I call her "the witch" because she self-describes that way, but mainly because she seems to have some mojo which prevents me from beating her, and we've played, like, 46 times or so. She said it was because she was sick, but I'm taking the victory regardless. Just because Muhammad Ali is having an off day, so what. Whether he is having a good day or an off day, you have still beaten Muhammad Ali, so give yourself credit for crying out loud.