Sharon dumps me

 

Last night, I dreamed that Sharon and I were in the maze of the health care system and getting the runaround. I was being told conflicting things about her condition by nurses and doctors, and she was being roughly handled and thrown about like a giant bag of dog food. I was angry and kept trying to advocate for her but was getting nowhere. Things reached the breaking point, and Sharon turned on me.

"I don't know who this guy is. I don't want him around me anymore," she told one of the male staff. 

I tried to protest that she was not thinking clearly, that the MS had made her unreasonable, but the 30-something black orderly was firm with me:

"We will have to respect her wishes, sir," he said. "You'll have to step away, and let us do our job."

I was aghast. I felt betrayed and confused, but I stayed with her, trailing at a distance. I kept hoping she'd come around and relent. I tried to persuade her, reminding her of our marriage and my commitment to her, but she remained angry and unmoved.

"This is the best thing I've ever done, getting rid of his sorry ass," she said to the staff, not even addressing me directly.

This dream comes at a time when things are at a watershed in my personal life, involving a rapidly developing relationship. The LED, on very brightly for the last week or so, is now off again. Today is the first day of a different kind of life for me, and I am further on this uncharted adventure than I ever expected to be. 

I understand if Sharon might feel betrayed, but I also think she'd be OK with me moving forward. Perhaps she is like the cats, who are a little upset right now because there is a small dog in their house. I want so much for all my loves to get along, but sometimes that isn't always possible. I will remain true to myself in all this, whoever or whatever I am.