Jenny Bennett brings a snake and a dildo to a sleepover

...and guess which one winds up up my butt? There is no good answer to this question, but I'll cut to the chase: It was the damn snake. I'm not so concerned about the psycho-sexual implications of my latest round of dreams. I'm just glad I woke up when I did. 

 

I was in an apartment in a beach town, if I had to guess from the interior alone. It was a nice enough little unit, cozy but with enough windows to make it light and breezy. A few people were there socializing, and it was apparently going to turn into a sleepover. 

 

Jenny Bennett arrived, wearing a kimono, loosely fastened in the front, as all good kimonos are in dreams of this nature. She gave me a hug and her bosom pressed up against mine in a most familiar and appealing way. She presented me with small garden snake and staked out her place on the floor before spreading a blanket and lying down.

I held onto the snake as best I could, but the little guy was pretty wiggly. I had to grip him firmly so he didn't escape, but not so firmly firmly as to crush his delicate anatomy. I was going to hand him back to Jenny when I noticed something that made me do a double take. 

It was probably just the angle from which I was viewing things, but Jenny appeared to have a penis. I mean, what I saw was definitely a penis, but from my particular vantage point, it looked like it was right about where it would be expected, kind of protruding from the front of her kimono.

Still holding the wiggly snake, I circled around got a better look. I discovered that it was simply a dildo, positioned in a rather comical fashion, and not a part of her actual anatomy. I lay down beside her and asked her for some advice about how to handle this wayward snake that seemed to be intent on exploring parts of my body that were strictly off limits to members of his species. 

"He wants up your butt, doesn't he?" she asked bluntly.

"Yes. Yes, he does," I protested, as I felt the his little snake head make entrance.

I gripped him firmly by the tail and managed to pull him out before he got too far in. Jenny didn't seem concerned and went back to whatever she was doing. Within a minute, the little bastard had wiggled free of my grasp and made a beeline straight for my bunghole, this time getting in so far that all I could grab was the tip of his tail.

Fearing the tail might come off in my hand, I could only grip him so tight. It was a very tense few moments, as this battle of wills reached a seeming stalemate. He wanted in, I wanted him out, and neither of us wanted his tail to break off. And then, in slippery snake fashion, he escaped my hold and -- ploop -- in he was. 

I was horrified. I'd heard about things like this, urban legends mostly, and anecdotal hospital stories of bestial sexcapades gone bad. Fortunately, I was relieved from further trauma by the sound of my telephone. Never have I been so glad for the random intrusion of a telemarketer.