It's all too much for me to bear,
My tear strained eyes can barely see.
My walrus-like blubbering heart heaves,
My reason leaving me for a spell.
It's no use, I can't begin to even tell you, what's wrong in my world,
My little world, my incredibly dense, foggy,
Everlasting world of shame, loss and hurt.
"What's wrong?" you ask, like something can be said.
"I can't...I don't know how..."
"It's all in your head."
It's true, I guess. That's where it began.
Some tiny, mad thought, that I believed until the tears ran.
In trying to tell you the source of my pain,
My reason takes over, and I become mute again.
These complex human emotions, love, guilt and shame.
Sentimental longing to see you again.
It's been four years, and the memories fade,
My picture of you and and what once could've been,
Gets melted into a river of day to day sameness.
So this is Christmas, I wanted to sing.
But I don't know how. Can I learn my lines?
Can I make the music, rhyme and keep time?
I suddenly rebel, as my eyes have done.
I'm done with this poem, if that's what you call it,
Done with it all. With everything. Just done.
I've said nothing, and this hurt is too big for words.
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.