Was that you that brought the smell of roses to my attention
as I watched a sappy movie from the 90’s? I only smelled them for a moment, but
it was right before a scene in which a woman receives roses from a guy. The
movie was “Truly, Madly, Deeply” a UK film about a woman not moving on
with her life after her lover’s death. I wasn’t super into it, in fact it was
going to put me to sleep, which is okay.
But then I smelled roses, briefly and thought about how you
wanted me to bring home some rose scented air fresheners or candles. We only
ever used the rosewater diffuser, and it has long since evaporated. The candles
are sealed and produce no odor.
I’ve heard of this phenomenon before attributed to
communication from the other side. I’m wondering, is it difficult for the dead
to communicate with the living? Are they reduced to small parlor tricks to get
our attention? I would love to have some form of communication with you, but I
fear I am blocking it with my grief. I’ve heard that this makes it difficult.
I don’t understand any of this, I just want you to know that
you are welcome to perform poltergeist activity here any time. I miss you. I
know I can’t make you come back, but some kind of sign that you are okay would
go a long way toward healing my grieving heart.
I made reservations at the Anchor Lodge in Fort Bragg
for the night of June 22. It would be our 15 year anniversary. I intend to
drive down early and visit the lighthouse where we were married and spread some
of your ashes. I will keep some for other places we have visited, such as
Caspar, Jughandle, Glass Beach, Pudding Creek and McKerricker Beach.
That ought to be enough for this trip.
I have so many memories I wish I could just go back and live
in, but those days only exist in my mind. I’ve been doing too much of that
these days. I need to see the real world again, but I will miss having you
there to see it with me. Or to at least come home to with pictures or
souvenirs. I’m just so lonely without you here.
I hope you are well, wherever you may be.
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.