I began to think about the nature of my depression. I don't think it has anything to do with a lack of self-esteem. I think, quite the opposite, it stems from too high of an estimation of my own entitlements. I get disappointed by things which don't measure up to my expectations. Then I withdraw, take my marbles and go home kinda thing. Instead of seeing myself as worthless, I see myself as worthy of all lavishness and luxury, and when I don't get it, I pout. That pouting takes the form of sulking and isolation, which is then fed by thoughts which tend to justify this position. The effect of this isolation is that I become the kind of person who I don't like or admire, and then the feelings of worthlessness come in, pretty much justified by fact.
Tuesday, July 31, 2018
NPD and depression

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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.