Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Salad Situations


 

Just two fun facts from dreaming about insignificant, mindless traveling. Houa Vang can be a real pain in the ass to ride double with on a bicycle. Somehow we were riding double on a bicycle in Anaheim, with him tagging along on the back, while I was doing the pedaling. Despite his diminutive stature, he was making it difficult to get anywhere when going uphill. 

Funny, I don't remember any hills in Anaheim. But we found ourselves going up the smallest of inclines and having to do a million switchbacks to get any kind of forward progress.

Once we reached the top there was a gate preventing us from going any further. I wound up bitching loud enough to attract the gatekeeper or superintendent of the housing authority. 

"I'm just trying to get to my old high school, and it took me five whole minutes to get up this part of the hill and another minute and a half to figure out that the gate was locked. I don't have time to go back now," I complained loudly.

She was sympathetic and let us through, but warned me, "I hope you don't still have your locker key. They never changed the locks, so your key might still work."

"Ok, no problem," I said, although I was pretty sure I did still have my key.

Vang and I were also in a supermarket, going around the aisles while I picked up my groceries. He was not exactly helpful in that situation either, mostly just making cracks about my food choices.

Next I was in a completely different scenario involving my mom and Greg and a planned road trip. For once it wasn't me that was holding up the trip. Greg was working or doing something and was going to be late. 

"He may just want to take a nap when he gets home," my mom told me.

"Fuck that!" I said, not wanting to give up any of the vacation time so that he could nap.

My mom tended to agree with me. "I'd like to get there early, too," she said. "If there's enough time I'd like to see about playing 'Salad Situations.' That's the TV game show about ordinary people having lunch with a celebrity and all the hijinks that develop when people order salad."

That sounded like a whole lot of fun to me, too. I'd never even met a celebrity, much less had salad with one. So, I pondered who I'd like to have salad with and imagined a future in which I might be lifelong friends with people like Oprah, all stemming from a single game of "Salad Situations." 

It's not any weirder of an idea for a show than "Carpool Karaoke." It could work. It would serve the dual purpose of humanizing celebrities and also getting people to eat more salads. I need to pitch this to my agent.

Mental note, get an agent. Pitch idea.

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