The tears on my pillow bespeak the pain that is in my heart

 

"The tears on my pillow bespeak the pain that is in my heart!" Barney shouted, after his high school flame failed to recognize him at the Mayberry High School reunion.

The episode of the Andy Griffith show came on tonight simultaneously with the reappearance of my LED. I always strain to find a connection, but this time it was easy. A reunion was being held in Mayberry and Sheriff Taylor was getting sentimental, looking forward to seeing his long lost high school love, Sharon. 

Towards the end of the night when she still hadn't arrived, he was a little melancholy about it. As he was finally settling into the reality that she wasn't going to show, people began pointing to the door.  He somehow misses all the cues, and finally, Barney, beaming, turns him around. There she was at the door. Everyone watched expectantly as their eyes locked, and they approached one another, magnetically drawn by a lifelong connection.

They danced and enjoyed each others company for a while, then decided to go for a walk. Andy is recreating the night of the high school prom, as they reminisce about the events of that evening. He reminds her that he'd wanted to get her alone in the garden back then. 

He recalls that he'd used the smooth line, "Ain't you awful chilly?" as a trick. "So's I could do this," he says, putting his arm around her, as slick as the devil on ice skates.

She plays along, "And then what happened?" 

It is inevitable. They kiss. They cuddle, and for a moment it looks as though things are going to pick up where they left off after high school.

She recalls that they had also gotten in a terrible fight back then, though neither seemed to remember what it was about. 

But when he asks, "Why do you suppose you and I never...you know..." suddenly it all comes back to them. 

She had wanted to pursue a life in the big city, and he was in love with his hometown, Mayberry. Sharon thought he wasn't living up to his full potential by staying in his small town. 

"But isn't happiness the true measure of living?" Andy countered. 

The same issues they had fought about long ago still stood between them. The years had softened the rancor of their disagreement, but their positions were the same. It was not destined to be. They enjoy one last dance together, as two old friends, and part ways again.

After the event, while Andy and Barney are cleaning up the dishes, Andy ribs Barney, "Do the tears on your pillow bespeak the pain in your heart?"

"Yeah. They do," he says, owning it without embarrassment.

"Me, too," says Andy.

The End.

I'm not embarrassed to say that the coincidence of this timely episode with Andy and Sharon, and a long hoped for reunion of an ill-fated relationship, left me with tears in my eyes. The tears, like the LED, are intermittent these days. But I still have the story written in my heart about our lifelong love that was not lived out in the way we had hoped for. 

I'd love to go back and re-write it, or at least my part, but I don't know if I would be able to play it out any differently. Perhaps with hindsight, I could. But this story, in this lifetime, is over. Except for the little LED...

I love you Sharon, more now than ever. I need that part of me that you provided. The smart, stable side. The voice of common sense and decency. I'll never forget a single thing you said or thought or did when you were alive. It's all a part of me now. 

I just want to know that the person I've known all those years is still ok. Are you ok? I'll take the little sychronicities, if that's all the rules will allow. But I still want more. More dreams, more messages, an apparition of some sort. Whatever you can conjure. 

I appreciate the little things, it's just hard to keep going on faith, on a daily basis. I get so worn down by my body and life in general. I need your sunshine to help me see the good in things. You always were my bright spot, as I'm sure I was the salt to your sweetness. 

I've been doing stuff, trying. I haven't totally given up. But I need the kick in the pants that only you were able to give me. Ya know? 

Don't leave me now. Even though I might seem like I don't care about much, I still do. And I'm not moving on. Life can move on around me. I'm staying put. 

Can't we just have one more dance? One more kiss? So I'll know it's all not a dream, that you do still exist somewhere? Pleeeeaase?