Well, durn

 

I was hoping for a certain special kind of dream last night, after a conversation I was having with Lesa took an unexpected turn. I'm going to only say this much about that: I was so pleased with that late night chat and our online relationship's recent development that I had to wake up to make sure that it wasn't the dream.

I'll have to say no more, for fear of jinxing myself, only that she said words to me that were so heartfelt, so personally gratifying, that I thought I'd just die right then and there. 

I was having a hard time believing that I was engaging in that kind of talk with someone I knew, and for whom I had feelings; and to top it all off, it was this person who shared actual, real-life experiences and memories with me. Sure, that was over thirty-five years ago, but they were such fond memories that they have stayed in my mind freshly preserved the whole time.

I did dream, though. It was an odd bit of incongruous imagery. I was with Sharon. We were at a weird mashup version of my current house and her parents place in Paradise. 

I was discussing fishing spots with her as I walked around the property, unrolling an extremely long garden hose. There were various things that were wrong with the house, but I was more concerned with finding a nearby fishing spot. Bob was there too, but he was locked in a bathroom. We were planning to get him out, but my hose rolling and fishing spot searching seemed more pressing. 

I think Sharon was trying to tell me "just go ahead with the fishing and I'll handle getting my dad out." So I did just that. I unrolled the whole mess of hose, which was long enough to reach the creek, and was going to try my luck in the fabled fishing spot of all fishing spots.

Previously, in some other dark cave of a locale, I had gone fishing. I'd even set up a camera to capture the event. I set my pole down and waited. I did actually catch something, but it was dark, and I never discerned whether it was a fish or just a child's toy that I had reeled in. It felt like a fish and struggled like a fish, but I was still unsure.

----

Where I am today, in my awake life, is that I have just a few hours left before PG&E shuts off my power for the third time this year. Third or fourth, I don't remember, it's getting too regular now. Any time the wind blows, it's likely to go out. I have a little time to prepare, though I'm squandering it doing this. 

I also spoke to Lesa about doing some video chatting today before that occurs. I'm so revved up by our chats that I'm dying to see her face to face and hear her voice again. I'm kind of embarrassed to show my mug, though, as it's hardly the face she remembers and will most likely kill some of the fantasy that's going on in our chats.

I can't help it, though. I'm falling in love with this girl. I know, it's been what, two weeks since we renewed our conversation and a total of seven months since I made the initial contact with her on Facebook? Even I know how silly I sound. And I don't care. 

So, fuck off, silent judges, rational sensibilities, the lot of you. I'm having fun. We love who we love and enjoy what we enjoy. Better than all that gloom and doom, right? There's always time for that once I screw things up and wind up driving her away. 

But as things stand right now, I'm puppy dog crush, madly engaged in a scintillating and enthralling conversation that would make any teenager proud. It's making me proud and quite excited to be who I am right now, even though I wish that it were a younger version.

I'd better get on with my day. Lots to do before 2 pm.