On Board Announcement

This is your captain, ha, I almost said "cat pin" 

Just what you need, a dyslexic flight attendant, demoted because he couldn't even pilot his own plane

So, this is your "cat pin" speaking

This will be my final announcement

It has been nice being your captain for a while

Not so nice, really, all of the time

I mean, there are so many reasons I am stepping down

But to be gracious, I figured I'd say it, on account of I don't want to be a sore loser, like you know who

So, this is me, signing off, saying, "Sayonara, auf weidersane, arrivaderchi"

(I can spell it any way I choose, since I no longer have to comply with regulations) 

Farewell

My lovely beings

I'll see you on another plane (you know, other than the earth, duh) 

I won't be flying it, but some other chump

All dressed up to be somebody, maybe me, maybe somebody completely different

That's neither here nor there, since it's all up in the air (hah, not again with the punning around, geez)

So, just to be clear, there will be no pilot, nor co-pilot for the rest of the journey

Co-pilot bailed out at 30 thousand feet 

(or maybe she was pushed, depends on whose conspiracy you believe)

I'm not jumping, though, no, not me

Nothing that drastic for this boy

I'm simply letting the controls go on autopilot until the plane runs out of sky

Or fuel, whichever comes first

It will be quite a gas, seeing how this unfolds

Me sitting in a passenger seat, next to you, saying 

"Geez, love, do you know who's actually flying this thing?"

"No,"  I'll reply to myself, "But I think it must be Jesus. Or fate."

 I get the two of them mixed up

So, sorry to all of you who paid your fare in advance thinking you'd arrive safely

At your destination with me at the helm

You're gonna hafta kick in with some flying skills of your own

Or else become some kind of cloud surfing squirrels

Like those crazy folks in the winged suits

Base jumping from Mount Everest

The black box will be examined post-mortem

And all will be revealed

"It was a sunny day, slight low pressure system moving into the region"

No reason why the plane fell out of orbit

It just got tired of flying, I guess

This has been your captain

Signing off

--chunk--

zzzzzzzzzz 

(dial tone)