Bugger drives a Hummer (explicit, implicit -- you know the drill)

 

So, I was in this guy's apartment, naked on his bed watching TV. Only there was no TV, just a projection from some device which left a barely visible ghost image on the wall. 

I asked the guy, "Hey, what's up with your TV? I can't see it at all."

"You have to view it from a certain angle," he said. "Dead on. Come over here," he motioned for me to come closer.

I sidled up an inch or so, and it indeed made quite a bit of difference, just that few inches. The other difference it made was that I was now closer to him, which was probably his intention all along. 

Yup. Buy a fancy projection TV costing thousands of dollars, aim it at a spot on the wall where the only clear view for two people in his bed would be from a position where they were scrunched right up close to one another. A long game player. I knew the type.

Well, it worked, I guess. He started doing some stuff to me which aroused some pleasure centers. I was a bit nervous, however, because his bedroom had a window which looked out into his living room, and the curtains were only halfway drawn. 

In the living room, sitting on the couch, eating a bag of Doritos, was Manuel Silva, aka the Mongo Man, an ex co-worker from Honda. Mongo kept glancing around the living room and in the direction of the window. I tried to keep out of view because I was more than a little embarrassed to be caught in a scenario such as this.

I shut the flimsy curtain and walked back around to the bed. At this point the guy asked me if I was ready for my asshole to experience some pain. I told him that my asshole was indeed not ready, and I walked around to the other side of the bed. He promptly flipped over and displayed his own ass, squeaky clean and ready for some kind of action. 

I went ahead and took the bait, inserting my tongue into the pristine orifice. One would never have guessed that this rosy little opening's day job was a poop delivery system. After a lick or two, I'd had enough. I decided to exit the apartment, still naked and with the guy following close behind.

"I have somewhere else to get to," I told him.

"That's fine. I'll take you there," he said, and we both got in his Hummer, sans clothing.

We were leaving the grounds of his gated community when a guard approached the vehicle to question our coming and going. Damn those overprotective homeowner's associations anyway. 

The guy jumped out of the vehicle and told me that I'd better take it and continue on my own. I did, flooring it past the guard and doing a bit of 4-wheeling over some decorative boulders that had been placed there to prevent just such an escape.

The boulders were no match for the Hummer, though, and I easily evaded the guard and made it onto the main highway. A few more boulders lined the side of the road, and I amused myself, running over them and putting the vehicle's suspension and traction control to the test. It performed flawlessly.

After the boulders, the road got rather steep, and its surface had become slick with a greasy sand that kept the vehicle from getting good traction. I put it into low gear and, once again, it delivered on its promise of being an all-terrain vehicle.

I found myself headed back to the condos, where the naked Hummer owner whose butt I had licked earlier was still being detained by the guard. I guess I figured I'd try to help extricate him from the situation, though I didn't really have a plan.

And that, my friends, was that. Another homo-erotic dream ended unceremoniously and without a tidy conclusion. I'm not going to try to interpret the dream or offer some convoluted rationalization of why I don't feel that I'm gay, despite having this kind of dream on occasion. I'm not gay, but that bugger driving the Hummer sure had a few different ideas.