fucks for the day

 

A tree fell on the fence, I burnt the toast and Boomerang accidentally sent out my stupid "Death notification" email all in an hour's time. I threw the toast on the floor, scared the cats and made a further mess. I can't cope with life at all. Why can't I just....FUCK! NEVER FUCKING MIND.

I can hear the goddamn tsks of the righteously patient, non-petty minds at work right now. "You know what your problem is? Entitlement. You think you have it so bad. Oh, poor baby! Look around, there are so many others in the world whose lot is far worse than yours. And do you hear them complaining about it? No, they are among the most grateful people in the world. Happy for a scrap of bread. Happy for a roof over their head. Look at the Campfire refugees. Happy to be alive or find their lost cat while living in a tent. Why can't you be more like that?"

Is that where you are all going with your SMHs? I guess you wouldn't know, being you. But I'm never going to accept the argument that because other people's lives suck worse than mine, and they are happier, that I should get on board, smile and say, "Thank you, God, may I have another?" That's real good advertising, "Our product doesn't suck nearly as much as the other brand!" Aren't ya proud, then? Good on ya, lad.

Be inside my miserable fucking head for minute and feel free to rearrange the furniture. See how you like it. See if your experience would lead you to say, "Burn it down. Burn it all down. It's a total loss." Or do you think you could patiently, lovingly pick up the mess and keep what's still salvageable and untangle and remove all the junk?

I'm guilty because I'm sitting around in the wreck of what was my life and just quietly mourning it. And the only time I feel alive is when some new fucking problem rears up and stabs me, and I realize I can still be a reactive, angry asshole.

Hallelujah, I'm still alive. I'm still feeling shit. Oh, thank you, O, wondrous Creator of all that is, for this blessed experience of humanity. Now take your gift of life and shove it up your black hole. I never asked for it and it doesn't fit right. Oh, you thought I'd like it, why? Because that's what you'd like? You just give people shitty gifts because that's what you would like to get? How about letting us decide instead of forcing your own ideas on everyone?

Because we'd just pick something stupid and get ourselves into trouble? Nah, I couldn't imagine a universe with more fucked up possibilities than the one we are already in. If I could, I'm sure it already exists, thanks to your Quantum Geniusness.

There. I ran out of steam. Is that what you wanted? Let the baby throw a fit, he'll calm down. Maybe he'll sleep better tonight. Look, he's worn himself out.