While I still can (unposted draft to my Facebook friends)

While I still can, I’d like to say to my friends out there…well, it’s hard to generalize and make a one size fits all statement, but here goes:

Sorry for all the shit I’ve pulled. I hope I didn’t leave too bad of an impression on this world or hurt anyone too badly. Regret is something I’m living with for my failings with Sharon, but I’m sure it doesn’t stop there.

I’ve been neglectful, selfish and cold towards just about everyone. Even this apology seems contrived. A conniving way to make myself feel better, in a time when I’m reaping the results of my choices. I should probably just stop behaving poorly and start acting like a member of the human race again. My longtime excuse of, “I don’t know how!” never garnered me much sympathy when I’d use it with Sharon, so I’ll have to retire it.

Being concise was also never my strong point, but once again, I’ll do my best to not ramble on and on.

I’ve been telling myself that I’m avoiding interaction on Facebook because I want to spare the world of my “dark cloud.” There are very few people that I feel would tolerate much of that kind of crap, and even the closest of friends have limits. So, to not wear out my welcome, I’ve been hiding out. Waiting for the day when the sun would shine again, and I could come back outside. But I fear I have just gotten further and further away from any ability to return from this.

So, as I sit here, in a fair amount of physical and an extreme amount of emotional pain, I figured I would reach out while I still can. I hope I can recover and be a part of things again. But right now, I’m tired. I’m losing the will to keep going. Whatever will happen, will happen. I just don’t want to leave this earth with people thinking I didn’t care enough to say, “Thanks for being in my life.”

Sorry for the drama, people. I guess it’s just who I am. I hope everyone is doing OK on their journey. Everyone has their own struggle to get through. If there’s anything I can do for anyone, let me know. I’m still here.