What does the fox say?

I should have known something was up a few weeks ago, when my older dog, Shadow began spending more time on the front deck. And when he developed the unfortunate new habit of pooping in close proximity to the house I could have picked up on the clue that something wasn't right in his world.

It was only when I noticed the dog food was being consumed at a much faster than normal rate (and the food bill going up commensurately) that Inspector Clouseau started putting the pieces together. Somebody vaz eating zee dog food, oui? So, I placed a trap on the back deck, near the dog food bowls and waited for my first customer. I wasn't sure what it would be. Racoon? Possum? Skunk? (eeew!)

Upon hear the trap door spring, I went out to check it. It turned out to be a small, but feisty grey fox. Feeling bad for the little guy struggling angrily in the cage, and not really having much of a strategy for after the actual trapping, I took the trap to the edge of my property and released him. 

"Now let that be a lesson to you," I yelled at him as he scurried out of the cage and down the road into the darkness.

I started bringing in the dog food at night to avoid attracting any new visitors. The next day, as if to say to the fox, "And don't come back," Shadow pooped on the deck for good measure. That ought to discourage any future dinner guests, must have been the logic. This is mine, I crapped on it, see?

It was the very next day that I spotted the little fellow on my property again, out near the barn in the early morning hours. He wasn't going to be driven off that easily. I wondered if he'd at least stay off the deck, seeing as there would be no food for him.

That night the little guy left his answer on the back deck, in the form of a little pile of fox poo which seemed to say:

 "This is what I think of you, you uncouth human scum, for trapping me and bringing in the food at night. Coward! And you, too, mangy pig-dog. You cannot frighten me away with your pathetic defecation tactics. I poop on your poop. Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time!" 

We were being heckled by a diminutive woodland creature with a shrill, French accent. I'm not going to say that he won or I won. He did get the last word in, though.

The spotted towhee is a lovely little bird that overwinters in my back yard shrubbery. It was nice to see them at first, with their happy little trills and striking coloration. But like Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds," it began to get a little spooky when their numbers began creeping up into the hundreds. Not the least of my concerns was their tendency to raid my dog's food in the daytime.

And like just about everyone else in this story, they seemed to have an affinity for pooping on the deck.

Between these winged scavengers by day and the fox at night, my poor guys weren't catching a break. My dogs now have about 20 minutes in the evening in which to consume their entire food for the day, prison style, looking over their shoulders for birds and foxes.

But unlike the fox, I decided I'd compromise with the birds by buying a $2 bird feeder and some birdseed. It took a while for them to find it, but they are reluctantly utilizing it. They still look around longingly for the dog's food bowls because they obviously prefer Purina One to wild bird seed.

So, to sum up, don't shit where you eat (unless you really feel the need to make a statement) and, "If you can't beat 'em, feed 'em."