I'm scouting out a hill

People speak of being certain of "the hill you want to die on" as a figure of speech, referring to a cause that may or may not be worthy of going all in on. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and it is taking shape as a definite plan for my eventual demise, in a literal sense.

Sharon's wish was to die at home. Given her options at the time, it wasn't too unreasonable of a request. She also didn't want to be assisted or willfully end her own life. She was willing to let life take it's course, as slow and torturous as it may have been.

My wish is to die on a hill. One with a nice view, but one that is sufficiently isolated so that my body will not be discovered until the vultures have had their chance to feed on my remains. I am having trouble with the idea that I will still have to be relatively healthy in order to ascend the hill. If I am that healthy, should I really be initiating my immediate end?

I will have to assist my termination with a cocktail of pills and alcohol. If I start with the alcohol, I may find I am in a pleasant state of mind and might lose my resolve to complete my mission. If I start with the pills, then once I start drinking it will be too late to change my mind unless I vomit the pills before they take effect.

I want to be certain that this is the hill that I want to die on. So for now, I'm just scouting out nice locations. In the process, I am getting sun, fresh air and exercise--kind of counter-productive to my gloom and doom task at hand. In the process of deciding on my place of death, I may wind up finding that I still have things that make me want to live.

I'll try not to get sidetracked. I need to say goodbye sometime. I want to go out on my terms. Life has dictated quite a few things that I wouldn't have put in the program. If I have any say about it, I will make it as pleasant and peaceful as possible and at the time of my choosing.