Your Bits

I look at this picture and it brings back so much. I know it is just a representation of you in the form of a few bits of electronic information. But those bits mean so much to me. How can you be gone? How can all you ever were just be the leftover pieces of memories and images stored on my computer and in my mind’s computer?

I will never forget, so please don’t ever disappear from my reality. I don’t see you anymore, just these pictures. I don’t hear you anymore except for the rare recording of your voice. I still go through old emails and Facebook messages, reading through the good, the bad and the ugly. Your essence still lingers, but only in these little scraps, which I treasure.

Unfortunately, we recorded our fights so as to have a “referee” in the event that someone needed to think they won or the other committed a foul. I haven’t had the stomach to listen to many of those, because of how painful I remember them to have been at the time. But what I do hear in those recordings is your voice, strong and clear, full of intensity and anger with me.

I watched GHW Bush’s funeral today. I must be pretty damaged, because I cried despite my politics and views in general about his place in history. I cried because of the humanity of loss, which affects us all. Sentimental old fool is what I am. I cried because I would have been watching this tv event with you and we’d have had that moment together, like we had all those moments which are now just memories.

We are all just memories. A moment’s sunlight, fading in the grass.