Lord, send me an angel

 Lord, Send Me An Angel - The White Stripes

I'm not sure about my dream's meaning, but I'm just gonna give you what I've got. I was in a house which I believe was mine. It was on the beach, and by that, I mean that the tide came up and actually filled up some of the rooms with water during the night. I had some female company staying over and one male with whom I was kind of competing for the affections of these women. I was doing my best to be charming and likeable, singing to my guests and setting up beds and chairs in a hospitable fashion for them. 

I had my preferences as to which of these females I'd like to end up with out of the three. There was a fairly attractive brunette that I would have settled for, there was my mom (a 28 year old version, not the 74 year old one) and there was Diane. 

I shuffled my attention between the three of them, but at one point I did wind up making out with my mom a little bit. Even amoral, weirdo me recognized that this was a no-no, so I knocked it off before it got out of hand. (More shit for the therapist, I know. Geez, gimmie a break, I'm just reporting, here.)

Diane was going to go surf fishing in one of the bedrooms when the tide came in. She put on a wetsuit, which I thought was a bit of overkill for surf fishing, but I encouraged her nonetheless. She did look good in a wetsuit. 

Meanwhile, the brunette was needing some kind of attention, so I set up some chairs in her room so that she could enjoy the ocean when it came to lap the sand in her room at night. As I was doing this my male competition went into Diane's ocean fishing room to attempt to capture her heart with his smooth talking. 

This frustrated me, so I set about to put a stop to it by going in there and being a spoiler. It was a bit awkward, but it worked to a degree. Mr. Charming other guy went in search of love elsewhere, in the room of the brunette, leaving me alone with Diane in the surf fishing room. I really had no game past this point. 

I think I may have asked her feebly, "Ya catchin' anything?" or something innocuous. I didn't really expect that there were fish showing up nightly in the house, but hey, it was a dream, anything could happen. 

"We'll find out," she said and that was that. End of dream. 

LED is still on. I worry when it comes on that some dire situation is on the horizon which will require the comfort of an afterlife friend. I don't have any proof of this correlation, it's just a weird feeling, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

What health crisis, home emergency or mental health situation is so bad that the universe sends Sharon to hang around with boring old me at this time? I do think of suicide rather frequently these days. It's always there in my mind as the backup plan for any irremediable situation that I might find myself in. 

Like getting old and decrepit, for example. I could go to the dentist and get all my teeth pulled and replaced with dentures or implants or I could just kill myself. I could live with my eyes failing and become a blind and disabled person or I could hope that I get hit by a car or get COVID and die. 

My luck, though, the car would just wing me, leaving me paralyzed or disfigured. And COVID is just too unreliable with its low kill ratio and high recovery rate. Not the guaranteed results that I could be assured of with a bottle of tequila and a handful of vicodin. But even that might just land me in a coma or give me liver damage or a less than peaceful transition. 

My hope is just that I will go to sleep one night and exit this world into some dream from which I never wake up. I would hope it is a better dream than the one I am currently living, which seems at times to be a tailor made hell, straight outta the Twilight Zone. 

Dear Lord, dear Lord, send me an angel down. Can't spare no angel, we'll send y'all Susan Brown (yeah, I know that's not how the words go).