Sharon and Charlie

I dreamed I had Sharon back, but did I really? She'd been gone for a length of time and her return was tenuous. I was still living on 5 acres in Loma Rica. There had been a horse ranch here, but things were in a declining state because of her absence. A lot of the equipment was in disrepair and the property would need a lot of work to make it flourish again. 

She was dividing her time between Loma Rica and Paradise, where her parents still lived and had some rentals. I believe she was staying at one of the rentals, or was planning to. I had my weed enterprise, but my time was otherwise unoccupied. I wanted her to come back and stay with me full-time. We could make the place shine again. 

She was being evasive and I went up to look at the rental property to see what was up. I looked around and it was empty but in otherwise good shape. I played with the locks on the doors. One of the doors had the unique feature of opening in both directions. 

I spied Sharon sitting on the floor clutching some papers in her hand. I knew she was writing to Charlie. I knew her heart was divided between me and this former flame, who had always kept a candle burning for her. 

He'd always been a thorn in my side. A spoiler, ready to capture her heart with promises of a ranch somewhere, details always TBD. She wasn't committing to either of us, but I could tell she was very stuck on him still because she was using her "good handwriting" in the letter. 

I asked her, or tried to ask her, the question burning in my mind. Was she still in love with him? I didn't. Instead I made a plea that she abandon this notion of going to work for him. She was making it sound like a business arrangement. She kept referring to him as "her stock guy," as if I was still unaware of who she was spending all her extra time with. I told her that I knew it was Charlie, and could we please just refer to him as Charlie, I wasn't stupid. 

Things were about to get tense, but Biggie Smalls was there making inquiries about weed for sale for a prospective client of his. He was talking to someone on his little flip phone, and he asked me if I had anything at the moment. I told him I did, but it was in Loma Rica. I didn't just carry the stuff around with me. That wasn't satisfactory, so he told his client that it was a no-go. 

As emotional and jealous as I was over the whole Sharon and Charlie thing, I was still preoccupied with the whole weed thing. I kept noticing things like the quality of the dirt in Paradise. Nice red, volcanic soil, very fertile. I even thought of things like, "Wouldn't this patio make a nice screen for a garden? The bamboo would camouflage the plants nicely." But these distractions didn't take away the tearing feeling I was getting from the whole jealousy I had going on. 

I woke up wishing I could talk to Sharon about Charlie. Where was he now? Surely, he has passed on too. He'd been in poor health when she was flirting with him 10 years ago or so. I'd caught them doing emails and talking about racy stuff and plans for him to rescue her from me. That happened for real, unfortunately. 

Perhaps they are fooling around in the afterlife. Wouldn't that be a fine howdy do? I was the safe choice, so she stayed with me. Her options were limited and his promises never panned out. I was the angry, jealous husband, and I put my foot down, crushing her fantasies and taking away her emotional outlet. 

I should have been more understanding, as I later developed my own sentimental flirtationship with an online friend of my own. I entertained thoughts about Rienna and corresponded with her clandestinely while Sharon was still alive. I never made any direct overtures, but emotionally it was clear that my heart was being pulled. 

I was so cold to Sharon, so excited and preoccupied with messaging Rienna. What difference did it make if I never made any actual plans with her? That guilt remains with me, along with other things too difficult for me to write about at this time. 

So, Lesa, I guess we're all sluts with our hearts. I'm not making much sense, so I'll just stop for now.