I dreamed that I had a roommate who was gullible enough to fall for the latest telemarketing scam. Someone was calling people up, selling plans for a composting toilet. They were touting it as the latest green trend, a DIY method of recycling human feces. It turned out to be nothing more than instructions on how to dig a hole in the ground, filled with a slushy mud.
To utilize the "toilet," one would have to take off their shoes, roll up their pant legs and squat, while standing knee deep in the slop. As if that weren't repugnant enough, to "flush" the toilet, one would then stomp the recently deposited fecal clumps into the slurry with their bare feet, like someone smashing grapes to make wine. I was pretty disgusted with myself for actually using it for my one and only time.
"This is unacceptable," I said, grimacing at the smushy sensation of clay-like turds and corn kernels between my toes.
About this time, the telephone rang. It was the Department of Consumer Affairs. They were just calling to make sure we didn't fall prey to this latest scam. If we had, we were instructed to immediately stop using it and fill in the hole. In the mean time, they would take our information and see about getting our money refunded.
"This kind of thing has got to stop," the government official lady on the phone told me, "and we need your help to put a stop to it."
I assured her that we'd keep on the alert for any such scammers, too embarrassed to tell her that I was standing knee deep in a pit of muddy poop as we spoke.
----
No comments:
Post a Comment
I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.