The Simple Truth

 

"Do you know what I wish, just once? Is that a guy could be honest enough to just walk right up to me and say, 'Hey listen -- you know, I'm confused about this too -- I could lay a big line on you, and we could do a lot of role playing, but the simple truth is: I find you very interesting, and I'd really like to make love with you.'" 

Jessica Lang's character Julie says these words to a shocked and eager Dustin Hoffman, who is disguised as his Tootsie character, sipping tea in her apartment. He makes a big mental note of this, thinking he has finally found a foolproof way into her heart (or her bed).

Fast forward a few scenes, and they are both at a party. Julie slips out onto the balcony where it is a little quieter, and Hoffman's character, Michael Dorsey, sans makeup and dressed in his normal male attire, follows her. He tries to make a little chit-chat with her, but she is unresponsive. So he figures now is as good a time as any to try that guaranteed foolproof line on her.

"You know, I could lay a big line on you, and we could do a lot of role playing, but the simple truth is: I find you very interesting and I'd really like to make love to you." He delivers the line with the careful deliberation of a stage actor. He begins to say, "You know? It's as simple as..."  but before he can get the rest of the sentence out -- splash! She throws her drink in his face. 

"It's as simple as that," he finishes, his face dripping onto his shirt and jacket.

I watched this comedic 80s movie the other week, and I'm trying to glean some insights from this little bit of dialogue. I think I am as confused as Dustin Hoffman's character, as to what women really want. To make matters more difficult, I'm not sure that women even know what they want, even when they say that they do. Or it might change from day to day, moment to moment, person to person.

Perhaps it is matter of timing. Perhaps the moon and stars and hormones all have to align. I just know that I have misread cues my whole life in this regard, and I'm still not getting it, or getting any, as the case may be. I'm just getting older, and yet, somehow not wiser. Maybe, just maybe, it's not them at all, it's me. I'm just not the right guy, hence nothing, however well executed or planned out, ever seems to work.

I've never had a drink thrown in my face, but then I have never attempted to use that particular line, either. I've likely tried a few other even more ham-handed approaches, including the "just be yourself" approach. But after getting shot down, let down easily or receiving any number of less than affirmative reactions, at some point I just quit trying. 

You live and you learn. And then you give up.  If at first you don't succeed, quit, it's pointless. It's hopeless, you're hopeless. May as well just fall face down in the mud and die.

The end.