I guess it all depends on how you look at things

I have a windup clock on a bookcase in the living room. I never run it because it takes too much to keep it wound and the chimes frequently malfunction when you wind them up. As in they will chime hundreds of times in a row and then be done for the month. I used to keep it set on 4:20 permanently. My token nod to the California equivalent of "it's 5 o'clock somewhere." Since Sharon's death, I reset it to 7:44. That's the exact time she stopped breathing and it's listed on her death certificate as time of death. It has stayed on that exact time ever since.

Until the other day. I looked up at the time and it now says 6:23. For it to have traveled that far forward it would have had to start up and run for more than 10 hours. It takes quite a deliberate push to get that pendulum swinging enough to make the clock run.

The possibility exists that my house guest activated it by bumping into the bookshelf when wheeling his mother in the door. I saw him bump the shelf, but did not see the pendulum swinging. He even remarked about, "What a nice clock," etc. Or he could have decided to start the clock later, since he admired it. But I asked him and he said no. I don't disbelieve him, he tends to be very respectful of other people's things, and honest to a fault.

So what kind of spookery am I dealing with? I have no good explanation, so the shelf bumping and my failing to notice the clock running as a result is my logical default. The timing would fit. But the degree of difficulty of starting the clock, even intentionally, makes it less of a clear choice.

So, do I now attach significance to the time 6:23? Is it a prophetic warning of my own time of death? Or is it just physics? Nuts and bolts. Action and reaction. Spring tension and gears. Nothing to see here, move on.

The two hemispheres of my brain are not in agreement. So they will meet in the middle. In the crack that divides them, the area called "I don't know." It seems like a lot of my previously held beliefs have migrated to this area from both the left and right sides.

I was out walking a few months ago and stumbled upon a pristine cassette tape lying in the roadway. It should have been melted or dirty at least, being out of its case. But I took it home and played it and it was completely fine. The tape was Golden Earring. On one side is their hit song "Radar Love" and the other side "Vanilla Queen" and "Are you receiving me?" I could look at this as a synchronicity, too, I suppose. A song about some kind of distant, psychic connection between lovers and an ode to a powerful woman that haunts a man even in his dreams. Am I receiving her message yet?

Another thing which I dismissed, but perhaps shouldn't, was a symbol I found painted on the asphalt at the end of my walking route. I had spoken to a psychic only days before and she described to me that Sharon was trying to show her a symbol which looked like "a sideways 8, but different, like angel wings." She said this represented eternal love. The picture below shows a symbol, like the infinity sign, only slightly tweaked to look like two connected hearts. Was this a true spiritual postcard?  Or was it the work of enlightened vandals, doing the universe's tagging, like those crop circles some people say they feel compelled to create? It had probably been there for quite some time, and it existed just long enough for me to see it, because a few weeks later they repaved the road.

 

I can easily write off Ipod glitches or randomly timed song choices, those things happen to everyone.  But I did have one instance where I was really bummed out and wishing I could just get a message from Sharon (nothing surprising there, pick a day, any day). I was out on my walk and talking out loud, begging for some kind of  sign or word from her. Suddenly, a song that Sharon and I recorded together came blasting into my earphones. It starts with her voice speaking in a not so subtle, rather commanding tone, some instructions of a particularly (ahem) explicit nature. I was beyond startled. I was elated, shocked and sentimentally misty at the same time.

I suppose I could see a vision in every teacup if I let my mind drift far enough in the right direction. But I still want to be convinced beyond the possibility of scientific explanation. Please, universe, Sharon's essence, spirit -- anyone! Disregard the afterlife protocols and demonstrate to my poor human senses something that will forever make me a believer.

In the meantime, dreams are nice, too.