I saw you last night

I saw you last night in my dream. You were riding next to me in a car. There was no doubt it was you, at least it looked like you. Right down to your stubbly chin hair. I was so happy to have you there, but I was unable to restrain the curiosity to ask you, “Do you remember being dead? What’s it like? I mean, you aren’t dead now. It’s like it never happened. And yet I remember it did happen. You’re here really here with me. And I know you couldn’t have reincarnated. Am I imagining you? How does it work? Can you tell me?” 

I was trying to make sense of  it in my dream, you know, how this could be. I remembered another dream (while I was still dreaming) in which I was present for the exact moment where reality shifted. The dream was the one where a comet was heading for earth, and I was watching it bearing down, getting closer and closer. At the moment of impact instead of a crashing, destructive mess, it was like the channel just switched, and I was staring at a New York City skyline. That dream.

Anyway, as I was contemplating the idea that this could be my new reality, with you back again, you began to answer my question. “Yes. You just…” And that was it. You were cut off in mid-sentence and I never knew whether you were saying “Yes, I remember being dead” or “Yes, you are imagining me. That’s how it works,” or what other secrets you were about to reveal.

Something shifted, and I was alone in the car. I was on a mission, going down the wrong way of a damaged, accident-strewn freeway with panicked people heading in the opposite direction. I was looking for a leak or a place in a culvert where the water was flowing the wrong direction. I had to dig out some obstructions to restore it to the right direction. It was flooded and backed up. I wasn’t really sure which direction was the right direction, but my digging would temporarily reverse it, so I felt it was helping, even though it would switch back as soon as I stopped digging.

Previously, I had been fishing in a lake with enormous tidal swings and had gotten wet up to my hips while casting out. Some kids were there and thought it was funny. I should have been standing on higher ground. I thought it was funny, too. Why wasn’t I? It was right there, just a few feet away, so I moved to a safer spot.  I checked my camera, and it was still dry, so I took it out to take some pictures. There were some impressive fish being caught, very easily, I thought.

That’s about it for now. I wish I could have had more time with you in the car. Damn stupid mission. Damn stupid afterlife protocols. Damn stupid universe matrix fictional reality bullshit. I so wanted it to be my new reality. Then I woke up, and everything started getting fragmented and fuzzy, and these were the only impressions I was able to salvage.

I don’t know how one could ever write a non-fictionalized account of a fictional event. I’ve tried not to embellish or invent details that weren’t there, but I always feel like I’m not being accurate. Oh, well, it was a dream, after all.