Dude, where's my life?

I don't know why I have stupid dreams that could just as easily have been stupid real life events. I suppose since I don't have much going on in my day to day life, I'm getting my daily allowance of experiences in my nightly subconscious. The fact that they have no story-line or real point just makes them frustrating. But I'm committed to writing them down so as to develop my capacity to recall dreams and hopefully derive whatever meaning I can from them.

I remember two dreams. First, I was in a band situation with a couple of other non-committal blokes. We actually didn't get along very well at all. It was a punk type of band, and no one gave much of a shit about anything. The band just kind of broke up after one practice, which consisted of one song which we couldn't agree on and couldn't even get all the way through. I felt frustrated but justified in packing up and walking out.

The second one seemed to begin in Paradise. I was living in the old house on Sutter. My mom was there, trying to help me in some capacity. We did some kind of divination ritual using tarot cards to try to find my life path. The result of the reading was that my path was "all Ozzy." I took that to mean I was fucked, because Ozzy is, like, the representation of evil, darkness, the devil. But my mom was trying to glean some kind of positivity from the reading. 

"He has 118 songs, you just need to go through them all and find out what this means," she advised.

Meanwhile, it was getting late, and I had to be at Butte College for class. I needed to just get in my car and drive down there, but I was suffering from the usual dream logistics difficulties. I couldn't find my car or get from point A to point B in the required amount of time. I managed to wind up at the college somehow but needed a car to get to the other side of campus. It became very important that I get there on time, but it looked like I'd never make it.

Two of my co-workers from Yuba City Honda, Reiner, the service manager and Luis, a service writer entered the dream at this point. They were there in their same roles but somehow connected to the college. I needed to borrow Reiner's car to get to class and, besides, Reiner wanted me to take it to get an oil change, which sounded like a fair exchange to me.

It was a crappy primer grey Mercedes and not the princely kind of ride he enjoys in real life, but still consistent with his personality. I opened the hood, which would not stay up, and glanced at the engine. 

"Yep, it's a piece of crap," I confirmed to myself, before letting the hood slam shut. 

I turned around for a second, and the car had vanished, taken by some other lube tech from the dealership. Now I was going to be late for sure. I would have to walk the incredibly long distance from the parking lot to the area of the campus where my class was.

I got on my crappy little flip phone with Luis and was arguing with him about getting Reiner's car back from the lube guy. I called everyone assholes and felt that rush of self-righteousness that you get when you've appropriately identified and called out bullshit. Luis agreed in his typical "it is what it is, don't give a shit fashion" and hung up. I was ass out, no car. 

Dream two ended the same as the first, with me dissatisfied and argumentative.

---

Trying not to be skeptical and wanting to make the best use of these dreams as I could, I pulled out the tarot deck and did a quick one card reading on myself (ok, maybe two cards). The one card was the four of pentacles, reversed. Lots of various interpretations exist, but there is a common theme. Quick meaning from internet search results:

Introduction: The 4 of Pentacles reversed often implies that you are holding on to things, people, money or situations far more than you should for your own well-being and piece of mind. It's time to relax and to remember that you cannot control what others choose to do. We all have free will. Focus on your own choices.

Love: The 4 of Pentacles reversed is a card about fear, when it comes to love. However, the reversal can mean that you are about to let go of the fear, and finally open yourself up in a way that is real, and which will give your relationship a fighting chance.
 
The reversed Four of Pentacles brings a much-needed and long over due shedding of the old in favor of the new and novel. It is a card for liberation, cleansing and purification.

Reversed Four of Pentacles Tarot Card Meanings. The Four of Pentacles reversed asks you to loosen your hold on your need for security and stability and step outside your comfort zone. While it will feel a bit shaky at the start, this is an important step in your personal development.


These are just a few thumbnails of the search. The sites all go into long descriptions of basically the same thing: Time for a change. Let go. Take a chance. Don't be afraid. Blah, blah, blah. The usual positive, "Go get 'em, tiger" affirmations. Except for one, which warned against reckless spending and constipation. Not the card of death, but maybe a death to my current way of life (which is more death-like than life affirming). The second card was the reversed Queen of Wands.

Anyway, I'm not gonna be one of those guys who spends all day looking at tarot cards for the weather forecast when I could just as easily look out the window. Now about those 118 Ozzy songs and the reversed Queen of wands...