Quite the mess

 

I want to cry, but can't. I would love to laugh or feel anything, but it's impossible. I am just a waste of human flesh, sitting here day after day. I guess this freedom to do anything or nothing has left me in a place where nothing appeals to me any more. Even doing nothing is unappealing.

I got my taxes done last week. That was my accomplishment for the week. It made me cry, of course, to do that without Sharon. It was her big thing. Her year long activity that she both hated and enjoyed. Saving receipts, keeping a spreadsheet, deducting every little thing--she was a great fan of squeezing every penny we could get out of that refund. I used Turbo Tax and did it all in couple of hours, only getting the standard deduction this time.

I also renewed my driver's license. I had to go in to the DMV to take an eye exam and have my picture taken. Making an appointment seemed to have had no effect on my wait time. All DMVs are located in places where the properties of time are far different from anywhere else on the planet. Time oozes slowly and thickly. The more intently focused you are on getting it to speed up, the more it slows down, almost reversing direction at times. The clerks seem unaffected by it, as perhaps a sloth doesn't realize that its movements are incredibly slow to the average observer.

I suppose my life is equally as boring, when viewed by any normal person. It has been raining all week, so even my daily walks have been curtailed. Sleep is my only refuge, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. I can't sleep without doing damage to my eyes, neck or rib cage. My body simply needs more activity than I am giving it and protests when I spend too much time horizontal.

At least the birds are enjoying the hell out of the 2 dollar feeder and wild bird seed that I got for them. It is quite the hub of activity these days. Life wants to live and eat and reproduce, it seems, and I just want to go to sleep.