I'm hiding

Not publishing these for a while. Or ever. I just don't know. I guess don't feel like being looked in on by my one or two readers. I am still borderline miffed at the idea that someone (ahmn) would read these out of some kind of concern, but not do the least bit to reach out. As in CALL ME, DAD! So, if you're going to be silent, then I will, too. This blog was never meant for your or anyone else's consumption.

It's stifling my voice having an audience of even one or two. I feel like I have to address the room. And the room is deathly quiet. So why say anything? Or I could scream and curse and have the room silently judge me.

So, in other news. I'm setting something up with yet another amateur psychic. They are only going to charge $30, so I won't be too disappointed if it's not a life changing event. I'm simply looking for convincing proof of after death  communication. It wouldn't take much more than the psychic revealing to me some kind of insider information that is unknown to the public (another good reason to not publish any blog posts at the moment).

So, my secret word is the name of a pro golfer, __________. She was asking me to tell her if he was winning and it was difficult for her to get her words out. After a bunch of faint, whispered attempts she managed to belt out his name like an air horn. We both laughed. It was sooooo over the top. It was her making the greatest effort, and finally succeeding, at getting her words out. So, if she gets this across to the psychic and then to me, I will be convinced.

I realize that the psychic could just be reading me, and it not have anything to do with Sharon. Remote viewing is in the same realm of woo-woo that mediumship is, and one doesn't necessarily validate the other. But it weighs in on the side of the scale that I want to tip in favor of believing any of it. So, I've written it on a whiteboard on the door to the bedroom. And I'm begging for Sharon to have a look at it and relay it to the psychic. That kind of specific message would do it for me.

I'm sure there are other things that the psychic could come up with, too, that would knock my socks off. Un-googleable stuff, personal things that never made it outside of our bedroom conversation. Unless this $30 psychic is tapping into NSA level intel, in which case we're all screwed as far as privacy is concerned. There were no open mics in our room to my knowledge, but today's tech could include a whole bunch of unsolicited spying devices. Tinfoil, ON.

I do still have dreams of Sharon, not all as memorable. In my last one, I only recall speaking to her and the subject was "things I'm sorry for." It was all too common of a topic when she was alive, so it probably didn't impress her much now, either.

"Get your head out of your ass" was probably still the clearest and most authentic communication to ever reach me through an unwitting medium. Thanks, Lori, for the truly spiritual communique. While the other psychics were telling me nicey-nice stuff, like "she's giving you a hug" or "she just wants to hold you," the directness of those seven little words (which had been spoken by her to me often) actually give me more comfort. Because if she were here, listening to me or watching my daily routine, that would be exactly what she would say.

And in other, other news. I ordered an audio interface with recording software, so I can try to begin recording music again. I had to stop when my MBox and version of ProTools became unsupported, and drivers were unavailable. I had spent enough money on the equipment at the time to feel cheated by this obsolescence, so this time around I went with a different device and platform. Presonus and Studio One Artist got good enough reviews, and the sound quality will probably be better than my 2005 setup.

Still to be determined is if I can master the learning curve of new software. And also unknown is whether I will ever be inspired to record anything worthwhile. But at least if I ever am, I will have the capability, even if the talent is lacking. I will sound like a professional cat with a hairball, vs some hack with a Mr. Microphone.

Sharon had suggested I upgrade my equipment years ago, but, being cheap, I never felt I could justify any expense on something that wasn't a necessity. I believe having some kind of creative outlet is, at this point, a necessity.

This blog isn't doing it for me.