Keeps coming back to this

I see something beautiful, it makes me sad. I watch a movie with a happy ending, it makes me sad. I hear positive, life affirming quotes, they make me sad (if they don't make me mad first).  I see political memes, stories or opinions expressed, I hit the snooze button.

I've really been trying to get out of this funk. According to the latest psychic, Sharon is really trying to get through to me, but I'm making it impossible because I'm so depressed. I've been fishing 3 or 4 times this week because of that stupid psychic's advice. All I'm doing is toting my sorry ass down to the creek and lazily not catching fish. It's a half hour's walk from the house, so I'm not being entirely lazy.

But at the end of the day, I'm faced with another early night, meaning nothing to do, no one to do it with, just me and my stupid brain which won't stop filtering everything through the sadness lens. Nothing to get excited over, just me and the same routine of tv, dinner, sleep.

This week I attended the last grief art therapy class. Time went by and I made it to graduation day. The had a pot luck and made everyone get up and share their (mostly positive) feelings about the class. I hated to disappoint everyone, but I didn't feel I turned any corner in my grief process. I gave myself credit for showing up, I guess that counts for something.

Now I have one more thing in my life that has ended, leaving my schedule with another empty evening to try to get through.