Public Service Announcement

 

Back and forth I go between wanting to have people look in on me and wanting to be left alone completely to stew in my own isolation. For now,  I've decided, fine, if people want to look in on me, they will get what they get. I may say some things that will be odious and make me less than likeable. That doesn't seem to matter to me right now as much as saying what I want to say when I want to say it.

The idea of this blog was originally not to be read by others but to vent. I have figured out that I can do two things to keep it private. One is to make the blog available only to selected readers (or no readers). The other is to revert all of the posts to drafts so that they still exist, but can't be viewed. I've done both of these from time to time, and it does help me to feel less inhibited, knowing that the couple of potential readers aren't going to be able to read these meandering posts (and, gasp, think bad things of me).

I'm not feeling that it is making a whole lot of difference to me now, in my day to day existence. If I spew nonsense, if I have a good day or another 50 bad days, no one is going to give me any sort of feedback or validation of any kind. So why should I bother to self-censor? Public it is, then. At least until I get some common sense or decency, that is.

And, yeah, this is me screaming for attention, in my wounded, quiet way. I could be even more reckless and put my crap on Facadebook, but I'm leaving some bridges to be burned at a later date. I'm not really ready to blow up everything all at once. I just don't want to deal with the fallout. Someone might, oh my god ---comment or react!

For now, enjoy the freak show that is my life. Read at the risk of your own personal feelings. And as always, the comment box is below.