This is meant to be an apology, so I'll get that out right away. I tend to ramble and not get to the point. For those of you who know a little about me, you probably know, I've never been the most outgoing person. "Socially inept," "awkward," even "reclusive xenophobe" might be accurate characterizations. So, basically, I don't know how to act like, or be, a decent human being. I don't feel I've ever really fit in well with any particular group, even my own family. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for not making stronger connections.
So, what I'm saying, for those still reading is this: I'm sorry I've taken you all for granted. I'm sorry if my silence has made you feel ignored or unimportant. I'm sorry if I have said anything in the past, or even as I'm writing this, that made you feel uncomfortable or bad. If the impression that I've left is that I don't care about you, or that I am somehow judging you poorly, I'm sorry. I wish I had done a lot of things differently.
2018 was the most difficult year of my life and I've tried very hard to spare most of you from my agony. Those closest to me have been unfortunate enough to see my dark side, and I regret that I wasn't able to muster up more positivity for you. Those that know me really well are probably saying, "Dark side? Do you mean there's another side? I thought it was all dark." That was a faint attempt at humor.
I've let a lot of time go by and have been isolating myself more and more, but things aren't getting any better. I don't know how long a person can function without a heart or a soul. I don't know what 2019 is going to bring so I figured I'd better say what I have to say before my entire life slips by unnoticed. I don't see a whole lot changing, which means, let's be honest, I'll probably never see most of you again. That isn't meant to be a veiled threat or spooky premonition. It's just probably true, is all.
I suppose I'm reaping what I've sown. It may be too late to cultivate the kinds of bonds that take years to develop. I feel awkward trying to insert myself into the lives of those from whom I've been absent all these years. For that, too, I'm sorry. And if this was a downer to read, well, that's why I've been away so long. And that's why I'll probably be even less visible on Facebook in the foreseeable future.
Again, sorry. And you all have a great 2019, ok?
**How's that? Too passive-aggressive? More narcissistic, self-indulgent drivel? I'll keep working on it.
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I've changed my comments settings to allow for anyone to comment. All comments are welcome, even spineless potshots from anonymous posters. Please, by all means, give me the tongue lashing I so richly deserve. I promise not to hunt you down and melt your keyboard with my plasma cannon. I won't, however, promise not to pout and make that face you can't stand.