Life going on

Life goes on, or it appears to, on the surface. But for whom does it go on? Life is for the living, so what does that say about each and every one of us, who will die someday? Life is for you, but only temporarily?

I know that bodies age and decay in this world. Great, no insight there. But what of the essence of a person's consciousness? Is it transient as well? A mere energy field generated from a bunch of matter molecules, ready to dissipate into the ether?

What of all those treasured, meaningful experiences encapsulated in the being that resides inside a flesh body? Are they still stored somewhere? Can they exist when the brain, the so-called memory storage device is no longer physically alive?

I'm going mad with the notion that my wife, Sharon's spirit is either existing somewhere or it is not, and I need to know. Because if we just exist for as long as our bodies retain breath, then this is a shallow existence. And I'm mad at it.

If we somehow continue or transform or merge with some greater consciousness, fine, I guess. But why did we become individuals in the first place? Did we really just sign up to go on a ride? A tunnel of confusion? I promise it wouldn't spoil the ride if I could just get a look at some of the machinery behind it.

I'd feel a whole lot safer if I could get a clue about where I was headed. I could go on and on bitching about it, but it will be over soon enough, and I'll be where everyone else goes.

I caught a fish today. I really only am going fishing to keep my end of the deal that the psychic said that Sharon was making with me: "If you would go fishing, she will show herself to you." I don't think Sharon became a 20" Western Sucker for my entertainment, so I'm still not satisfied that she's kept her part of the deal.

It was a pretty awesome fish, though. I got assistance from a random stranger to net it. He said it was the biggest sucker fish he's ever seen in this river. Everyone else was fly fishing for steelhead, and here I was flinging a rubber lure and not really knowing what would actually bite it. I let it go, as they aren't really table fare like trout or salmon. I was surprised he even stayed on, since I was using a barbless jig.